You never saw me(you only saw what you wanted to see)

9.Diffrence

(Another pic of Val)
I'm back in this moment.

She's sobbing.

To the left of her bed is a photo of us, with Josh.

Our smiles are so big, we use to be so happy...life was so put together...

"Whyyyyy!!" Valerie cried then shoved all her things to the floor, off the desk.

"Why aren't you here.." She added.

"I am. I am here.." I softly reply, not to make her upset.

You know most would call me dumb for answering to her but I feel like it might help...I mean instead of ignoring to reply..it might....make a difference..

"You don't even know what you meant to me." She slid down the wall.

"I don't mean as much as you think I do. You just don't want anyone to kill themselves. You'll be happier this way."

"Was it me, Lillia? Was it Josh? Was it the kids at school? I don't even know. There are so many things, I can't figure it out. Why couldn't you of just stayed atleast for me?"

"Because your better without me, Val. Do you even remember how happy you use to be before we had any kind of relationship. You heard those kids today. They wouldn't of knocked your things down if we had never been in each other's lives."

" I don't know why I feel like this. I've always wanted to die, it seems. No one understands...you were the only one that'd listen to me. Like really listened." She turned in my direction.

She looks like I use to. Her eyes drained...like all the life she had was just ripped from her. And she's just....surviving.

"I'm sorry." That's all I can manage to say at this point because I can't just feel different.

I can't come back.

She can't bring me back.

I'm going to die.

I have to.

I've been gone this long, I've made it this far. And I can't chicken out on suicide now.

I can't, I won't.

Valerie's always been this pretty girl. Everyone loved her till me. She'll be okay, I know she'll be okay.

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