Our Flame

xii

NADIA

I have managed to open two old wounds in less than a week. My mother's death and being shot by the person I once looked up too.

It's embarrassing to admit that I looked up to him.

But both of those wounds may never heal, and that thought scares me. I may not act like it but, I want to heal. I want to be okay.

As I lay in my bed, I think about my family. It feels like forever since I was able to come live with my brothers but in reality it's only been a month and a half.

It's been the best months of my life; besides fighting with Aleksi.

Boredom soon takes over me and my thoughts, sighing I grab my phone and text Gianna telling her to come to my room. Not even five minutes later Gianna rushes into my room, "I missed you."

I laugh, "You saw me yesterday and the day before." I remind. I move over so she can join me on my bed. It was then when I noticed the scar on her arm.

"You were shot?" I question already knowing the answer.

I've known my father was involved in illegal things from the minute I could walk. Since that was when he insisted on training me.

I don't know what type of illegal things and I don't care enough to find out.

But I do want to know how my best friend got shot.

She looks down at her arm, "Oh, yeah but it was a while ago." Then she pauses as if she realizes what I asked. "How'd you know it was from a gun?" I shrug.

"Lucky guess."

"Spill." She takes the seat next to me. Opening up, is the first step to being truly okay. I think.

"When I was twelve, I got shot." I blankly state. Gianna's whole demeanor changed, I could've sworn that her eyes darkened a bit.

"By who?" She asks. I sigh laying my head back, waiting for her to figure it out. "Seriously." Gianna gets up. I guess she figured it out.

"He shot his own daughter."

"I was never really his daughter." I tell her, trying to lighten the mood. By blood, yes I'm fully his daughter but mentally, no.

"It doesn't matter if he despised you Nadia, you don't shoot your daughter." I look away as she looks at me.

"You aren't going to tell your brothers, are you?"

I shake my head, "Please don't tell them yet." I beg. "It's not my story to tell." She says making me smile. Gianna then opens her arms for a hug. I chuckle getting up to hug her.

"It's not fair that Aleksi gets to be with you, he's an idiot and I'm not."

She gasps and pulls away, "I knew it." I laugh. "You had a crush on me when you were like nine." Once again I laugh, it's true though.

Growing up, I had the biggest crush on her. Now, I'm over it and glad to have her as my best friend. 

"So what do you label yourself as?" Gianna excitedly questions. I shrug. "I don't do labels, I just like people."

**

After my conversation with Gianna she swore not to tell anyone anything. I wouldn't mind if she told people, but I continued to tell her that I never had a girlfriend and the only girl who came close was a girl named Vera.

Vera was genuine, she showed me kindness when my father told me I didn't deserve it. I wish that just for a second, she could have been shown the same kindness.

She was everything.

I wouldn't have gotten through my addiction without her.

"Hey." I enter the kitchen seeing all my brothers. "Hey Nadia." Viktor pats the seat next him. I take the seat by him as Luka speaks up.

"Who's your favorite brother?"

All eyes turn to him and I, "You can't say Niko." Luka quickly adds. "I wasn't going to say Niko." I roll my eyes. "Rude." Niko mumbles.

"Either Luka or Vadim."

Vadim tries to hide his smile while Luka cheers saying he knew it. "But Viktor's next." I tell. "Where do I come in?" Niko crosses his arms. "You're my twin so I don't need to say anything."

After a few moments of silence I ask, "Are you guys okay, with everything?"

"I'm getting there." Vadim says while everyone one nods in response. "It's hard though." Luka speaks up. We look at him, "Her death already hurt but now it hurts more."

"One day it won't." I say. "It'll feel like there's an empty part of you, a part you can't get back but one day, you'll start to fill the void."

Aleksi sends me a small smile, I'm still angry with him though.

"When will that day come?" Viktor questions. Niko shrugs. "возьми это один день за раз"

translation: take it one day at a time

"When did you two become little therapists." Luka jokes. Niko and I laugh. "We're killing him, right?" Niko gets serious.

They all look at me now, "Could you not say that in front of Nadia." Vadim sighs. "Yeah, keep your illegal doings to yourself." I lean back in my seat.

"How much do you know Nadia?"

"Enough." I answer. "I know you guys do illegal shit, it's obvious. Especially when Viktor always has a gun strapped to him." I say all in one breath.

"But you don't want to know?"

I shake my head, "I really don't." It's true, I don't want to know, at least not yet. I have enough trauma as is.

Viktor takes the gun from his side and lays it on the table.

It's a regular sleek black handgun except the letter 'V' is engraved at the bottom, specifically it's a Glock-19.

"Nice." I state.

"It takes a lot to not want to run when a gun is placed right in front of you." Viktor chuckles. "It's in my blood, is it not?"

They all smile at my response, "There was this one time he said if he would hand over his business to anyone, he was glad it was be the two of you." I tell Vadim and Viktor.

I get up to leave the table but pause, "And Aleksi, he does still love you. In his own messed up way."

I hear him let out a breath but I continue to walk, Aleksi won't stop loving his father overnight. I wish he could but he won't, and Im fine with that.

As long as he knows that when the times comes he'll die and it'll be at my hand.

I'd be cleansing this family of its biggest sin.
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