Our Flame

xv

NADIA

Three old wounds, in less than three weeks. Every week it seems like I think about something new causing me to question if I ever really healed.

Will I ever?

I know healing takes time but how can I when I was always faced with something traumatic.

From watching my mother die to being taken from my family, to being shot by my father then battling addiction and losing the girl I shortly loved.

All that over the course of seven years.

What if none of that ever happened? Would I be truly happy with myself?

My addiction isn't something I can just 'get over'. I know because I've tried, I've tried to act like it never happened. I tried to push it to the back of my mind but, it always comes back.

And the only thing I end up knowing for sure is that I never want to relapse.

I'll never be that low again, I'll do better and I'll heal.

But I've lived through the bad to see the good, this is the good. Or at least it better be.

Instead of thinking about all the things I've endured, I get out of bed and head towards Niko's room.

I still think he's the best twin ever.

I knock twice and almost a third time until the door is pulled open revealing a teary eyed Niko. My eyebrows furrow, "почему ты плачешь?"

translation: why are you crying

"I'm not, Nadia." He walks further back into his room. I cross my arms following him.

As I do, I realize his room is bigger than mine but I won't bring it up now.

"Did you need something?" Niko asks still looking away from me. Instead of answering, I sit on his bed. I won't force him to talk but I want him to know that I'm here.

While he stands away from me he peers over his shoulder letting out a sigh, I was about to speak up until he came over sitting next to me.

I observe him, he has his hands in his lap and his curly hair is drooped over one of his eyes. I move the curl as he starts to speak.

"I feel so pathetic."

His hands move to cover his face, "The nightmares never stop." He tells. Niko then lets out a laugh that was clearly fake, "I'm almost eighteen and I'm crying over a nightmare."

"That doesn't make you pathetic, Nik." Finally my twin looks at me, "It makes you human." I speak to him.

"Besides, everyone cries and each time no matter what the reason is, it's valid." I add.

"I'm supposed to be tough, Nadia." Niko explains. "This isn't tough."

"You've been through it all and you're still here, I'd say that's pretty tough. If anything letting out your feelings makes you even tougher." Niko chuckles, "No it doesn't."

I roll my eyes, "Yes it does." "Says who?" He questions. I stare at him blankly, "Says me." Niko shakes his head while a small smile takes over his face.

"How do you do it?"

I wait for him to further explain his question. "How are you not a mess after everything you've been through?"

I let out a small laugh, I don't know the answer to that and I honestly don't think there is one. "Some days, I am a mess." I shrug.

"If your referring to two days ago then I think anyone would've been in that position." Niko says.

Two days ago I told them about my overdose, while crying in a pile of glass. From the mirror that I broke.

I always have been overdramatic.

"I don't think so." I disagree. "But it took time for me to even be able to speak about my addiction without wanting to be disappointed in myself. Acceptance is the biggest thing, Niko."

Nik raises an eyebrow, "Accept the fact that you have nightmares, and accept the fact that they might not leave any time soon." I explain.

"You've accepted it?" He wonders. I sigh and shake my head. "Some parts but I still have a long way to go."

"вместе." Niko looks at me. "вместе." I assure.

translation: together

A another smile spreads across his face, but bigger this time.

Healing shouldn't be something a person should handle alone especially if it's from a death or a traumatic moment.

"Nadia." Niko speaks up after a moment. "I couldn't have asked for a better twin."

I smile at him then he asks, "What are you doing up at seven in the morning anyway?" "I couldn't sleep." I shrug.

"Movie?" He suggests. "Movie." I agree.

**
THIRD PERSON

While the youngest twins laugh over a movie scene the oldest are doing the opposite. "That's too much you moron." Viktor mumbles.

"Then you do it." Vadim retorts. "I knew this was a bad idea." Luka chuckles. "Get off your ass and help." Gianna tells him.

Aleksi shakes his head watching his brothers attempt to make his younger siblings breakfast.

"Wait isn't Nadia a vegetarian now?" Luka speaks up.

Each person in the kitchen sends him a glare, "You couldn't have said that before." Viktor points to the breakfast meats surrounding the counter.

"Niko will eat it." Luka shrugs going back to what he was doing. "And no telling Niko that we know he had a nightmare unless he talks about it first." Vadim orders.

"How do you know he had one? I thought they stopped." Vadim sighs, "I saw him in the kitchen at one in the morning and his eyes were red."

"He could've been high." Luka says. Vadim gives him a blank stare, "He was fucking sad Luka." Luka opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted.

"I know our little brother."

Luka nods wondering why Niko didn't confide in him, why he didn't confide in any of them.

Thoughts are interrupted as Nadia and Niko come down the stairs, "What's going on?" Both twins ask at the same time.

They shrug at the two, "We wanted to show you guys that we love you." Gianna speaks up. Niko and Nadia give her a smile.

"Even if you aren't related to us by blood, you're still my sister G." Niko speaks. "Maybe Aleksi will help you become my sister-in-law." He adds. Gianna rolls her eyes.

"Are you a vegetarian Nadia?"

Nadia chuckles at her brother but nonetheless nods her head. "I knew it." Luka mumbles. "Thanks guys." Niko appreciates.

"Are you sure your okay?" Viktor pulls Nadia to the side. "I'm fine, V." she assures. "And you'd tell one of us if you weren't, right?" Viktor questions. "Of course."

"I'm not the one you need to check on though." Nadia looks at her twin who is laughing with Gianna. "I know Nadia." Viktor sighs.

"Come on." Luka yells from the other side of the room causing the two to laugh before going back in the kitchen.

**

As the siblings converse and eat together a knock at the door ruins the moment, "All the guards are off at this hour." Vadim speaks confused.

"Exactly." Viktor grabs his usual gun. Nadia clears her throat, "Can we not do this today?"

Little did she know it wasn't optional.

As the oldest brother opens the door he's shocked at the person on the other side, as is everyone else.

"папа."

translation: papa

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word count: 1236
and the story begins
<3