Back 2 U (Jaeyong)

15

Taeyong has made significant improvements over the last few weeks, it was decided that for his own good he needs to get back into a normal routine. He's missed a lot of his swimming practices but is healed up enough now to get back into it. Nobody is really worried about it as he was one of the top swimmers and he has no problem getting back in. His school work never really suffered because he was able to do it at home, which also kept him busy so he didn't have to think about his ex all the time. The only time he allows himself time to dwell on anything to do with the attack is with his therapist.

When he's with his friends he tries to focus on them and reconnecting this is especially true for Jaehyun.
They've been studying together and when Taeyong has time they go out either with friends or just the two of them. It brings Taeyong back to the days when they were young and played together all the time.
"Can we go to the park tonight?" Taeyong asks as he sits getting a foot massage from Jaehyun. Jae looks up and smiles softly.
"Sure, but we should eat first?" He kind of asks, while Taeyong pouts.
"I want to go out." He thinks with his finger on his bottom lip making Jaehyun die from the cuteness.
"Ooh Ooh, let's go downtown to the street vendors then take our food to the park for a picnic." He says excitedly. Jaehyun chuckles and nods.
"Agreed!" He sets Taeyong's foot down and stands before reaching his hand out to the other.
After getting ready they head uptown, Jaehyun considered inviting others but decided he'd rather be alone with him and Taeyong is more than fine with this. They walk hand in hand along the street, it's early evening so the street lights are just starting to blink on and the crowd is pretty thin now as well. They don't rush as there is no need, it is a Friday night and neither have obligations the next day.
After gathering a few delicious foods they walk to the park they used to frequent as kids and found their favorite hideaway in the bushes and spread a small blanket. They sit side by side remembering the good times they had together as children and of course the worst day of their lives.
"The day you left, it felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. You were my bestest friend in the whole world, my brother." Jaehyun cringes but dies inside after hearing his next words.
"You still are, no one could ever take that spot." Jaehyun silently stares at the grass telling himself that it's ok, people change their minds all the time.
"Hyunnie, I know you say you love me and I have no doubt that it's true, but I don't know if I can ever love you that way." He feels the wind get knocked out of him and has to will away the tears.
"I'm sorry." Taeyong says with tears streaming down his face. Jae is quick to wipe them away and shush him.
"You've been so kind to me and you mean everything to me but I just don't know if the love I feel for you is the same as yours and I don't want to leave you hanging on only to get hurt in the end." He sobs into his hands and pushes Jaehyun away.
"I don't deserve you, I want to hold you close to me but I don't think I can give you what you need." Jaehyun pulls him into his chest and rubs his back.
"Yongie, listen to me. You are more important than my feelings." Taeyong shakes his head no and Jaehyun hushes him again.
"To me, you are more important. I'll be fine. It hurts." He chuckles.
"Really fucking bad but you can't help the way you feel right?" Taeyong nods timidly.
"I can't guarantee I'll ever get over you but I can try for your sake. We will be the best of friends again ok?" He asks trying to mask the utter pain in his whole body. Taeyong nods and throws the food out of his hand.
"Are you ready to go?" He asks quietly. Jaehyun nods and stands, he starts wrapping up the blanket and Taeyong grabs him and hugs his waist.
"Why do I feel like I just lost you?" He whispers in tears.
"I said I would stay by your side forever and I meant it." Jaehyun says trying to smile.
Taeyong knows deep down that this was a mistake but at the same time he felt he had to do it. He doesn't feel like he will ever be good enough for someone as special as Jaehyun and even if what he said was a complete lie he felt it was necessary. The hurt Jaehyun feels now will fade and so will Taeyong's. The walk back feels awkward, at least until Jaehyun grabs his hand and holds it up in the air.
"Friends can do this right?" Taeyong nods with a sad smile.
When they got to Taeyong's house he didn't want to let go just yet.
"Jae, I know this is a lot to ask but can you please stay with me tonight? I want you to hold me one more time. I won't make you do it ever again but please just this once?" Jaehyun smiles softly and kisses his forehead, everything they do at this point feels like the last. Of course he will say yes because even he knows he will never get the opportunity to hold him like this again because it would be more painful. He follows him up to his room and strips to his boxers and crawls into bed letting Taeyong lie on his chest.
Neither sleep well, both lie awake fighting tears. Jaehyun stays awake as long as he can so he will forever remember what this feels like.
When Taeyong wakes the next morning he isn't surprised to see that he's gone but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.
He tries to tell himself that he did the right thing but he's not really sure. He finally allows himself to break and sobs into his pillow until he's dehydrated and exhausted. He doesn't leave his room all day and never wants to again.