Our Lives Turned Upside Down *A BTS Reverse Harem (On Hold)

❤ 10 ❤

Trigger Warning: Self-harm

Nari's POV

She saw me. I know Nyx saw me, and the way she looked at me…. I feel like a piece of glass that has taken a hit and now the spiderweb of cracks is just growing further and further. What should I do? Where do I go? She already has most of the others playing into her hands, why did she have to take him? 

My eyes sting and I feel the thick knot in my throat growing. I take deliberate breaths, trying to calm the raging torrent of emotion. I know where I can go, I saw it once and it looks like no one goes in there. Taking the stairs two at a time I sprint towards the tiny room at the end of the first floor hall; trying to make it to that secluded space before the dam breaks. 

Reaching the door I open it quietly and slip inside the little reading room. Closing myself into my small sanctuary I lean back against the door, my body won't move and my legs give out as I slide to the floor. I double over, I feel sick. I curl into a ball in a vain attempt to make myself so small that no one will ever see me again. This isn't just typical guy drama, this is so much worse. 

Nyx has been the only person I've ever learned to trust in my whole life. She made me feel like I mattered, that I wasn't just a mistake that was born to be alone and eventually die, forgotten. She knows me inside and out and still….she deliberately made this choice. Nyx may be fine with casual sexual encounters, maybe they don't mean anything to her but why him? 

That night with Taehyung meant something to me, I don't care if I knew it was only going to be for a couple weeks; I felt special for a split second in time. I thought I saw something more in him. I was wrong about him, and I was wrong about her too. Laying there, feeling like nothing more than the dust covering the neglected books, I feel the dam crack. 

The first few tears slide down my face and I feel like I've forgotten how to breathe. From an early age I mastered the art of silent sobbing, I learned how to have a breakdown without a single soul ever knowing; I'm grateful for it now. Gulping huge amounts of air through hitching breaths I wail internally. It isn't enough and I fight the oncoming urge, but it's no good. I need to bring the inside pain to the outside; I need something tangible to link everything to. 

Reminding myself how stupid I've been and that I deserve this for being so vulnerable, I lift my head and slam it into the hardwood floor. My brain rattles, but I don't care. The pain is sharp and then it dulls, my chest still feels like it's caving in and my gut is still in knots. Smack I bring my head down harder, again and again until my internal pain has diminished to an empty aching feeling. Laying on the cold floor I feel my emotions slipping away; good, finally some relief. 

The tears have stopped and I just feel numb, my head is pounding but I can cling to that feeling. I don't know how long I lay there, the rain has stolen the sun today so I can't tell the time. I could check my phone but I feel like everything in me is drained; plus what's the point, it's a different hour of the same shitty day, right? 

That old familiar feeling settles in my chest and it's like a long lost friend who you don't really like but keep around just because they make you feel less lonely. But I know it well and it will help me get my shit back together. Sitting up my head swims a little, touching the painful spot I feel a nice raised area just above my temple. Good aim Nari, just like old times aye? I can easily hide the bruise that will eventually bloom by simply tossing my thick hair at an angle. 

Standing up I look around the room, it's small and dark and looks like it's hardly ever used, that's good for me. There's a small loveseat with an ottoman and a table with a lamp. Taking a seat I hold my head in my hands as I talk myself down. It never meant anything, he didn't care, it was just a good fuck that's all, it doesn't matter that she fucked him, she's a great person just enjoying herself…...yea this is so helpful.