Blackout

Ch 8 - Fuck As Drunk

"Fuck. Now what?" Michael asked anxiously.

I knew we were out of options at that point and stated the obvious. "Now, we're screwed." Michael turned on the light on his phone. I reminded him, "You know, we should probably not be using our phones. Who knows when we're going to get the opportunity to charge them."

Michael groaned and turned off the light. "Right. Well then, someone tell a story or something. I need to keep my mind occupied." I could barely make out his face in the darkness, but I could tell that he was truly afraid of the dark. I didn't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for him.

"I have a story." Calum cleared his throat. "Once upon a time, there was a turtle who lived inside a big cave and had no family." The other boys started howling.

"I don't get it," I said. "What the fuck is so funny?"

Ashton explained that it was a poem Calum had written when he was five years old. Apparently the entire '5SOS fam,' as he called it, knew it by heart. "You'll have to look it up sometime. It's hilarious."

"Okay, I know I just said we should stay off our phones, but I have to see this poem you speak of." I Googled 'Calum poem' and sure enough, there it was. I read it aloud and was crying from laughter by the end. "Oh my gosh, Calum. That is so precious. 'Smalla then a bug!' I'm gonna use that line for the rest of my life."

"Yeah, I know. I'm a pretty funny guy," Calum replied smugly, yet with a hint of embarrassment in his tone.

Moving on, Alexis suggested, "So, how about you guys tell us some crazy stories about your lives as celebrities. I'm sure you have some doozies."

Luke answered, "Meh, we get asked that all the time. And there really isn't anything to tell. I mean, yeah, it gets a little crazy sometimes when there are a bunch of fans waiting on us at airports and stuff. But I really can't think of an interesting story. It's the same old shit every day. Underage girls telling Ashton to bang them like he bangs his drums."

Ashton giggled. "That's pretty much the truth. It was refreshing meeting you two tonight. It's not every day that we run into awesome girls who aren't freaking out and throwing themselves at us because we're famous. I kind of feel like we've won the lottery or something."

I melted at what he had just said. But then it occurred to me, "Wait. Are you guys even legal? Please tell me yes." They all certainly looked to be at least eighteen. But these days, one can never tell.

Calum answered, "Yeah, we're all legal." Then he proceded to tell us everyone's age, which ranged from 21 to 23.

Alexis sighed and shook her head. "Babies. Barely able to drink alcohol legally," she teased.

Luke asked, "How old are you two, anyway? And what do you do? I mean, like, are you still in college or what?"

I answered for both of us. "We're nurses. I'm twenty four and Lex is twenty five."

"Damn. Nurses, huh?" Michael sounded impressed. But he couldn't leave it at that. "So, do you like to play doctor?" He asked, with a snorting laugh.

Lex slapped his leg and didn't even bother answering the immature question. "Shut up, idiot." Her words were ever so slightly slurred.

"Ouch! Sorry. Just trying to liven things up. Geez."

Noting that we still had plenty of liquor left, I asked if anyone wanted another round. Everyone held out their glass for a refill.

"Let's make a toast," Calum said, holding his glass in the air. "To new friendships." We held our glasses up and clinked them together and downed our drinks.

It was just after midnight. And I was getting hungry. "I don't know about you all, but I want something to eat. Do you want to go see what's in the kitchen?" My question was met with five 'yeses.'

We stood, and Calum took my hand. It felt so right. The alcohol probably had something to do with that. I mean, I hardly knew him. How would I know if it was 'right?'

I started towards the kitchen and instructed everyone to follow me. Lex started giggling. "Someone's gonna have to help me. I'm fuck as drunk."

When she realized what she had said, she couldn't even stand up straight from laughing. "Wait. I mean drunk as fuck!" Of course, that got the rest of us going, too. Then she announced, "Shit. I have to go pee now."

"Come on, lightweight, I'll help you," Michael offered, putting his arm around her waist and leading her to the bathroom.

The rest of us went to the kitchen and raided the pantry. By the time Michael and Alexis came back, we had a vast array of snack cakes, chips, and dry cereal spread out on the counter top before us. It was the best midnight snack I'd ever had.

"So, what's next?" Calum asked. "The night's still young. What else can we get into?"

Michael, who was restless, shifting his weight constantly, said, "I don't care what we do, as long as it doesn't involve us just sitting here in the dark."

I had been thinking of what else we could do all night, to no avail. "Hmm. I don't know. Board games and cards are out. Movies are out. We could play a different drinking game. But honestly, I need a break. In the words of my dear friend Alexis, I'm nearing the 'fuck as drunk' phase, too."

Luke asked, "Well, what's nearby? Any famous landmarks or anything? It kind of sucks that we travel so much, yet don't get to see cool shit like that often."

"No famous landmarks. At least nothing we'd be able to access this time of day."

It was quiet for a few minutes, the only sounds being those of us chowing down on the junk food.

Ashton interrupted the silence. "Hey, why don't you guys just show us around? You grew up here, right? Maybe you could give us a little tour of your hometown."

Michael exclaimed excitedly, "Yes! You're a genius, Ashton. I could kiss you."

That elicited yet more giggling from Ashton, who held his hands up to stop Michael. "Thanks, bro, but no thanks. I'm good."

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" I asked. "Hold on a second, and I'll grab a couple flashlights."

"I'll get the alcohol!" Lex volunteered, raising her hand.

Calum interjected, "Um, I think I'll take care of that, Lex."

Lex flipped him off. He grabbed an unopened bottle from the shelf, while I got two flashlights from a drawer. Michael reached for one, and Ashton took the other, and we were on our way.