FIFTEEN (II)

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CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE - THE LAST STRAW


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Our father used to tell John B and I that it's best to never say you've hit rock bottom. Trust me, he used to say, you can always go lower. And the thing about hell is there's always another one below.

This is what I'm thinking about, to keep myself distracted from the fact that Sarah Cameron and I are holding hands, sitting on the second row of benches, watching my brother's hearing.

Kiara is sitting next to Sarah, but she keeps glancing at both of us, checking that we're alright. JJ and Pope are sitting directly behind us. Sometimes I feel JJ leaning in, and giving me tiny kisses on my shoulder.

Still not even him can calm me now. I'm shaking and I feel like vomiting.

The judge gravel strikes, and she calls for silence. "John Booker Routledge, pursuant to the North Carolina statute section 14, you are charged with murder in the first degree with aggravated circumstances."

I take a deep breath, preparing myself for what's to come.

"If convicted, the maximum sentence would be the death penalty."

I stop breathing. I stop seeing. I stop hearing. All I can feel is nothing.

My lip trembles, and I think I can hear the shock and commotion in people's voices clamoring behind me. I can only hear a high-pitched sound in my ear.

I feel hands shaking me, trying to get me to react, to move, anything.

"Your Honor, he's 17!" I think I hear JJ's voice.

"Quiet!"

"He's 17! Are you kidding me?"

Sarah is standing up, and rushing to John B. I'm still sitting down on the bench, my lower lip trembling and I blink to get the tears out of my eyes. My brother turns around, and glances at Sarah before the bailiff pushes her back.

John B's eyes then find mine. He watches me cry silently. I'm sorry, I mouth. And he shakes his head, with a tired smile. It's not your fault.

But it is. Because I should've been there. I should've helped him. I should've found a way to get him out of the island before the cops got to him. I should've done so many things differently.

Soft arms wrap around my waist, and cologne and salt water scent fill my nostrils. I know JJ is helping me stand up, but my legs aren't working. I can't move a muscle.

"Hey, John B, we're gonna figure it out." JJ shouts, I feel his chest tremble when he speaks.

Kiara is pulling Sarah away from the bailiff, while she tries to fight to get to John B who's getting escorted out of the room.

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