Sam and Deena B.S.F (Before Sarah Fier)

Sam Fraser Part 5

Four days I've been stuck at home with nothing to do. Since Deena confronted Mom, I haven't been allowed to step even a foot out of the house, the only exception being for school. Since Deena's at-home-suspension, the school has taken it a step further and restricted Deena's access to classes, basically doing all of her work in the office. Every night since, I've waited until Mom and Dad have fallen asleep to call Deena on the kitchen phone since Mom took my own phone away because she knew that I would talk to Deena. She wasn't wrong though because we talk for hours now, until we hear the birds sing and the sun rises and we make ourselves put the phones down and sleep before school. I look forward to having those late night talks with her everyday. It's what we've got considering my situation. 

Part of me believes I should be mad at her for talking to my mom without me knowing. If I'm being honest, Deena is the reason I can't see her right now. But what overwhelms that thought entirely is the fact that Deena did it out of care. She did it because she cares a lot about me. Anything Deena does is in an act of love or passion, it's almost never just because she's cruel, she just cares intensely for the people around her, and I know Simon and Kate could testify for that. I'm lucky to be one of the very few in Deena Johnson's inner circle. But I do wish she handled this differently.

Everyday I just want to feel her next to me, I want to feel her arms wrapped around my body tight, and I just want her to hold me until I fall asleep. I want her to whisper in my ear about all of her favorite hits or rant about her day and how it's better now because I'm here. I've grown too used to needing her everyday, she's spoiled me with her attention. I envy the days where we had it really good and we could get away with sleepovers at my house or late night drives where we just blast good music with the windows down and just scream the lyrics to each other, and we didn't need to worry about just being together, no matter if people saw us as friends or something more. 

 I wish my mom was more understanding. She's not even a mom in my life, she's just a person who's here to exist in my life until it's not required anymore. I think it hurts more to know my mom is living a life where she doesn't really care about me, rather than just having her leave my life for good. Deena says that she's better off with her father not being in the picture a lot than him being here and being a drunk in front of them. "At least he has the human decency to be careless without us having to witness it" she said one night, right when we started to get serious. 

I remember that night at her house. We were on the couch in her living room, watching some movie that wasn't interesting enough to remember. I just know the way she was looking at me as she was confessing to me about her dad. She hadn't talked about any of her parents at all until that night. I still don't know what happened to Deena's mom but I won't bring it up unless she does. I've learned not to pry with her because you will get nothing good out of it. But she told me bits and pieces about her dad, how his drinking problem has worsen over the years and how Deena needed to grow up at a young age just to be able to be there for Josh. She loves Josh so much. She doesn't say it often, pretty much never, but the love that Deena has for her brother is something I wish I had in a sibling. Even just with my parents. A sibling love is something I won't get to have, but just being able to watch it with Deena and Josh is something I will never forget.

...

It was day five of talking on the phone late and we were both getting sleepy. I could hear it in her voice, her tone slowly drifting and getting slower and raspier and the words off her tongue slipping away.

"No... No, I'm not tired. I'm not, I'm totally awake, yeah..." Deena said, her voice cracking in between words.

"I think it's time. I'll talk to you tomorrow?" I say.

"No, don't hang up! Don't hang up, Sam..." Deena says. I wait for her to finish but I immediately suspect she fell asleep and this is my cue to leave.

"...I need to see you." Deena says in a hazy blur. I sigh quietly.

"I know. But we can't. My mom would kill me. And you, she'd probably kill you first and then me."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take for you." She says and I can hear her smiling when she said it. "I can't possibly go another day without seeing you." 

"But my mom-"

"Tomorrow. After school, at our spot. I'll see you there?" She says waiting for me to say something. Of course I would say yes on the spot instantly, but I love giving Deena the anticipation before I say anything because I know the wait up until drives her nuts. 

She knows how to get me to confide.  Saying "no" to her would just be me disappointing another important person in my life. But another day without seeing her, almost a whole week entirely, I can't bear the thought either. 

"I'll make up something to tell her so she won't get me after practice." I hear Deena smiling and letting out a breathy giggle while she says goodnight. Deena says the last of her goodbyes and hangs up. I exhale after putting the phone back to the wall, feeling flurries in my stomach swirl around in desire.

...

"A ballsy plan for a girl like you." Kate says to me during lunch after I told Simon and Kate about what Deena and I are going to do later. 

"What happens if your mom finds out?" Simon asks, shoving chips into his mouth.

"I don't know. Nothing good for sure." I say back.

"She's already grounded you for life, right?" He asks.

"I don't know how long, but long enough for Deena to get the message." I say.

"Does she even know about, like, you two...?" Kate asks.

"No." I say, "She doesn't know."

"Shit, dude, you're fucked!" Simon exclaims. "If your mom's this mad about Deena now, she's gonna go bat-shit-crazy when she finds out about y'all sucking face and whatever."

"If she finds out. If." Kate corrects.

"We only really hang out at Deena's. She can't find out, she won't. She won't." I say, though the more I say it, the more I don't believe it.

...

Once I changed out of my cheer uniform, I went straight outside as soon as the last of the team left. I ran to the bleachers to see Deena waiting all patiently with the biggest grin on her face. I ran to her, she ran to me, and we ran into each other, hugging. My heart was beating so fast and I could hear hers banging like a drum.

"God, I missed you so much." Deena says when we pull out of our embrace.

"I missed you too." I say, but I quickly look behind us to make sure no one's watching. When I'm sure, I kiss her and pull her waist into me. I almost forgot what Deena's lips felt like on mine. Glad we're getting all familiar again.

After our reunion, Deena led me under the bleachers and sat me down at the same spot where we first kissed. This day though, was sunny but cool, the sunlight peeking from over the benches. Once Deena settled, she held my hands in her lap and couldn't stop looking and smiling at me. We didn't talk for a few minutes, we were too giggly and excited that we were together again.

"What'd you tell your mom?" Deena asks me.

"I told her that the squad was going out to get pizza together."
"Good excuse, Fraser. I'll be sure to learn a thing or two from you about staying out of trouble." She says and I laugh.

"I'll give you some lessons one of these days. You might need extra credit though to catch up." I say and she smiles and kisses me.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in Deena's air. With my head in her lap, and her running her fingers through my soft hair, she told me about her days spent in the office doing her homework and being surrounded by the office ladies and the never ending gossip. I told her about the lunches with Simon and Kate and how I think I've grown closer to them because of it. When I'm with her everything feels right. Like every moment in my life, good or bad lead me to this time spent with Deena, and I'm glad it's worked out this way regardless of how shitty the journey's been to get here. The wait up until I saw her again was worth it because now I'm here with her, under the bleachers, her fingers entangled in my hair and my eyes stuck on her. Everything's okay.