Sam and Deena B.S.F (Before Sarah Fier)

Deena Johnson Part 10

It's been two weeks since school started again and I've never seen Sam so out of it ever. We all kinda knew her parents were going to shit eventually, but we didn't think Sam would take it so hard. I mean, who are we to talk, you know? Kate's folks are the definition of a healthy relationship, and Simon and I have had single parents for a while. It's harder to talk to her now, though. I don't want to say the wrong thing and upset her, so I've just been around. If she needs me, she'll call and I'll be there to pick up. If she wants to come over and have a break from her folks, then I let her. I don't mind the idea of being there for her though. I find it kinda of rewarding. Like it gives me a purpose in some weird way. I'm not saying Sam being all depressed and shit is, like, good for me, because it isn't at all. It's just nice that she relies on me. No one ever relied on me, and for the right reasons, I'm not the staple of a good person by all means. But with Sam, she sees me like that, and so she relies on me. I'm not good with comforting people, but with her it's easy. I just hug her and tell her everything's gonna be okay and she calms down.

It was late at night on Thursday and I was driving Sam home. Her parents have been more lenient with Sam being out of the house on school nights given what they're all going through. I pulled up to her house and put the car in park, and turned to her, getting ready to say good night. She looked so pale under the street light. Her eyes looked glassy, she looked exhausted.

"I can't go in." Sam muttered.

"Why not?" I asked, leaning into her, putting my hand on her cheek.

"I just can't. It's like they're aliens. The way they treat me now..." She shakes her head, looking off to something in front of us. "It's like I'm a little kid or something. Like they feel bad."

"Well, I'm sure they do feel bad." I say.

"But why? Why do they feel bad? They brought it upon themselves. They're the reason it's like this. Their guilt is not a means to feel sorry."

I pull Sam into my arms and I smother her with my hug. I feel her breathing rapidly, silently crying. I hold her tighter and stoke her head until she soothes down.

"I won't make you go in there." I say. "Not if you can't bring yourself to."

I open my trunk and get out some blankets I have stored when it's super cold while driving in the winter. Sam crawls in the backseat and I huddle in there and wrap her in blankets. We're sitting, warm by each other's body heat, her head on my shoulder and my head against hers. I feel her head getting heavier on my shoulder and I know then she's falling asleep. I lie awake, restless though. I'm not sure why. The divorce itself doesn't directly affect me, but seeing Sam like this, not like herself at all, I can't help but feel a little down too. I just want her to be happy. Even if it makes us sleep in the back of my car, in front of Sam's house, at 11:00 Pm on a Thursday. I wish I could make all her hurt go away. After everything that happened with us, I don't want Sam to ever feel like that ever again. If I could fix her family problems I would. If I was granted three wishes by some genie, I'd use them to help her. She doesn't realize this, but she makes me want to be a better person. The way she is with other people, how kind and selfless she can be, makes me want that in myself too. And having to see her be so crushed and worn out, kills me. The Sam I know is in there somewhere. I don't love this version of her any less than the Sam I knew, I love her more now that I want to help her get back to the way she was.

...

I woke up just as the sun started rising. I gently shook Sam until she blinked her eyes awake. I smiled at her, a new day for her to get better. I kissed her face all over until she couldn't take it and started laughing.