Hypnotised

Chapter 11

Hot

I was sweating yet again at this stupid afterparty shit. It was more than enough for me to get drenched with sweat once a day when performing, I really didn’t want to get all tacky and stinky again yet I could tell it was already happening.

This couple of weeks apart from Miles had been real hell. Only yesterday did the constant phone calls stop and I didn’t quite know if I should feel relieved or worried.

Is he over me yet?

More importantly: do I want him to?

Nothing had really changed. Or everything, I suppose it depends on how you look at it all. I’m here, physically, but my mind is far away in a world of its own. I daydream when awake and have nightmares when asleep, no pause whatsoever.

He, I can’t quite shake the feeling of him. His voice, his firm body, his unique meals, his scent… he is overwhelming me even though we’re not even in the same continent.

He’s absolutely everywhere and my feelings are getting out of hand.

Almost every lad that casually passes me by gets scanned by my restless and illogical eyes.

He’s not here…

You made a decision, stick to it.

Suddenly, I felt a tickling sensation that made me weak at the knees and if I’d been just a tad bit more drunk I’d have probably given in to it and my incredibly overactive imagination but, wanting to at least have a clue about what was going on, I opened my eyes with a lot of effort and came to terms with reality. My body was bent against a corner in the toilet, just some steps away from the sinks, hand skilfully crept in my pants.

God, not this again.

With feeble determination, I moved my hand away and proceeded to repeatedly hit my head against the edge.

I can’t find a place to stand. My day consists of missing you, feeling guilty and then lusting over yourself, Miles. This longing is truly asphyxiating and I’m failing enormously to placate it.

My attention was promptly focused again on reality when I heard a soft cough coming from behind me. Startled, I turned around and was met with this medium-sized girl. She was stringy, and very pale- yet had raven hair and a pair of big eyes that matched perfectly her black leather dress.

Am I in the women’s toilet? Can anything be more fucked up?

“Sorry… I must have…yea…I’m” I stuttered, hurrying to wash my hands.

“It’s okay.” She said in a surprisingly rich voice. “Don’t stop on my account” Hands still in the basin, I was pushed against that cursed corner again and I was seriously starting to wonder if this wasn’t a mere hallucination of mine. She could well be a female version of Mi…

“I…”

“You were hitting your head against the wall while touching yourself… I saw it with my own eyes, it was quite a scene. Oh… don’t blush…what is it? Guilt, pain… sadness?…all of them? You just look so…frustrated, you know.” This girl said in a very firm and distant tone that didn’t seem to match her words at all. Honestly, I just wanted to be alone- my mind struggling to keep its attention on this dimension.

“I really need to go.” I muttered walking past her, but never actually got to the door ‘cause a sudden pain made me stop dead in my tracks. Her nails where pinching hard at the skin of my shoulder. Naturally, a little cry escaped my mouth and I begged her to stop.