Hypnotised

Chapter 15

"Well, damn, I think we'll have to order something, your fridge is sadly empty al. Just beer, mayonnaise and a jar of....olives?"

Miles sauntered around my little kitchen hoping to find something that could be made into a meal. I felt momentarily bad for the avid chef but his searches would most likely be in vain given that, lately, I've been either eating whatever he fed me or skipping meals altogether. Cooking was a total bore for me and, anyways, I usually wasn't hungry at all.

I knew what he was trying to do though. It wasn't at all hard to see through his fake lightly twisted smiles, clouded eyes and singular clumsy movements. His elbow had knocked the —thankfully strong- blue ceramic vase , which I usually adorned with fresh flowers, three times and this was the second time he'd tripped over the little silver bin. 'Out of my way' he muttered, softly kicking it aside and I almost laughed.

Almost.

Overall, I felt like jumping off a bridge to be honest, the only thing stopping me being my precious dwelling. Yes, I longed familiarity and...loneliness. It doesn't take much to realise jails are probably a nasty place to be in. They are. I couldn't have minded less though. The suffocating dirtiness, the rats, the piercingly cold showers... they aren't significant at all. People, that's the scary, relevant part. I felt helplessly vulnerable 24/7 even with Miles there, mere feet away. I was so horribly exposed in that damned illuminated cell... I felt I could be knocked down, raped- killed even!- in the blink of an eye. Just because I'm physically weak and they strong: the law of the jungle at its finest. And, ironically enough, this permanent chaos was nurtured by none other than the officers themselves. In fact, they were who'd started, in the first place, this unstoppable chain of violence. Shamelessly humiliating convicts when naked, kicking their heads when they didn't wake up at time, spanking and spitting them repeatedly- they were who ignited the bomb and then casually leave. Because they too didn't give a damn about anyone in those cells...they see not people but the scum of the earth and surely smile broadly when a body is found dead. They are mostly criminals sure, they must pay for whatever atrocity they have committed. But an officer is supposedly the personification of justice; their job to protect people with its own life if necessary, right? Then how can someone with such passion towards life be so dehumanised? Why do we trust this people to protect us?

Is there anything to trust at all?

It feels like the more I know about people's ways, the more I want to withdraw from society.

If it's gonna be me forever more though, I need to feel truly comfortable in my skin.

And for that to happen I should have some time alone.

 

"Umm Mi...I'd rather you...go. It's just...I'm...I'm in need of some fucking privacy and tranquillity, okay? Don't take it personal, but I really need to be left alone now...for some hours, at least. I'll go visit you tomorrow, if that's okay..."

"Oh Al" He cooed rushing to my side and leaving his hands hanging in the air as if he were afraid to touch me.

Why

 "Just let me stay around and buy you something to eat, okay?. I won't speak a word if that's what you wish. Really, I won't bother you in the slightest babe. I just want to take care of you. " He dropped his arms to his sides and tilted his head expectantly, big puppy eyes begging me to say yes.

I'm so sorry

"No... by staying you're not helping at all, Miles. I won't kick you out but I implore you, please, go."

On hearing my calm reply, he inhaled deeply through the mouth and held my gaze for what felt like too long. We looked surely miserable standing there, trying to decipher whatever the other one meant to convey by his way of looking. I wasn't a tad bit surprised by the noticeable worry that his expressions bore and so I did my best to try to put it to rest by reaching out and fondling his shoulders affectionately with my open hands, all the while flashing him the widest smile I could put on. Finally, he heaved a long sigh and let his shoulders fall heavy, his body tense still.