In your arms

Chapter 16: hours and hours apart

Quick note: mention of suicidal thoughts.

James POV:

I don't know when I moved but I soon find myself pacing up and down the living room with the tv playing in the background. I can't just let this happen I have to do something. I just don't know what. There has to be a way to get her back right. I mean there isn't anything official so maybe there's still a bit of hope. I mean it's not like their getting married.

Though as if the tv read my mind the word seemed to repeat itself. I turn to the tv and as if it purposefully rip apart my life I hear that word being thrown around. I shake my head before walking over to the tv.

"So about the wedding, any set dates?"

My heart shatters. It's like that small chance I had been taken away and waved up high above my head so I no longer could reach it. As I process the word Multiple thoughts come crashing in. I thought she loved me, I thought she was happy with me, did she really say yes to him? Does this mean we're over?

I try convince myself that this most likely was forced but I couldn't raise that thought. I turned off the tv and dropped in on the floor. I put my head in my hands as tears trickle down my face. I'm not stupid. I know how a proposal works and the only way for there to be a wedding is if she said yes. So the letter meant nothing. Nothing at all. I scrunch it up in my palm before throwing it onto the table in front of me. I knew that if she had the choice she would run off. Yet she told me she wouldn't leave me for the world yet her she is doing exactly that. She's gone of to be a princess of a country while I'm sat here. Telling myself
'I told you so'.

After what felt like hours of tears of anger and betrayal, causing me to also destroy the big surprise I had set up, I find myself walking upstairs into my bedroom, I guess it is mine now, and get changed. I flog down onto the bed and stay perched up while staring at the room around me. I can see that the rooms clearly a mess but I don't have the heart to clean it. I can see Riley's desk with papers and pens scattered around with her laptop in the corner. Her makeup palette I got her is on top of the drawers and there are clothes dotted around the room. I haven't unpacked since my trip so my suitcase is currently stood up by the door. She told me to tidy up when I leave yet she doesn't even clean up herself when she does.

I barely sleep as my mind slowly takes me from reality and places scenarios in my head I fall down into this dull part of my imagination. The part of my brain that doesn't hide the worst Doesn't sugar coat the situation yet doesn't give any sign of hope. I try pull up onto the ladder but it soon gets pulled up so high it's physically unreachable. The memories tease me as they watch me struggle to get out of the pit I was thrown into. The pit then was soon filled with water and I was drowning in the middle of it. Soon giving in I let it consume me and take over.

I have a gut feeling that there's something more to this situation but I can't bring myself to find out. Instead, I try close my eyes and let tears flow as I fall asleep. With a pain replacing where my heart used to be.

Although one thing doesn't sit right with me no matter how angry I am. Why wouldn't she leave if she's being abused? And why would she of said yes to that?

~~~

Riley's POV:

I drift apart from the situation I'm in and get lost inside. If I had known I could've warned James but he never told me that he was planning a wedding. Even if I wanted to I couldn't of otherwise I don't think I would be able to go home one day. The emotionless wall I put up has fallen down and I'm curled up on the very far side of the bed silently crying my feelings i bottled up during the day.

It's like watching a movie. When you see those characters being put into situations and as you grow older you understand that it's just acting, you start to tell your self that these situations aren't real and you then grow the idea that even if it was it won't happen to you. But then you get put into that exact position yourself and regret ever denying the fact that everything is possible. I would always tell myself that I wont ever find myself in the situations that other girls find themselves in but here I am. Lead in someone else's bed with only My underwear. Bruises and scratches cover my legs and arms. While my boyfriend is sat at home probably panicking and confused.

I soon feel a pain replace my heart and I wince. I feel a sudden gut feeling that James is angry and I reach over for my phone to look at the date, Monday 2nd, he shouldn't be home for another to days yet I feel like he's crumbling. Maybe he came home early? Maybe he didn't find the message and just turned on the tv. What if he doesn't fully understand the situation? What if he's angry at me? What if he thinks I choose this? I start over thinking nearly all the situations in my head before I feel myself growing tired. I won't know what he's thinking or doing and I won't ever know. Where separated with hours and hours between us.

That chapter of my life has come to an end and I guess I have to start a new one here. Away from everyone and everything I love. I need to start fresh all over again. Although my minds telling me not to. My heart is telling me to wait and see where this goes and hopes that someone comes running. Where as my minds telling me to give in, give up and end it here. It's telling me to run off a high up building while i picture my running off and smiling as I say goodbye to the boy I love, who is probably mad as fuck, a hit the ground and the sound drowns out and my vision blacks out.

I open my eyes and realise I'm still hear. I'm still alive, although I feel dead inside, and I'm still stuck. I sigh and cry out my frustration before finally falling asleep. Hot tears roll down my checks and soak through the pillow as I let go of that fake front and try to fake sleeping as I feel movement from beside me.

(This is just a little filler chapter)