In your arms

Chapter 21: guilt

James POV:

"James! Do you have any chips?" Emily calls out from the kitchen. I roll my eyes before shouting back. "Yes in the cupboard above the sink" I shake my head while she rummages around trying to find snacks. I work out that she soon found some by the sigh of relief she lets out. I look back at the phone in my hand. The tears slowly build up as I stare into my girlfriends eyes. She's seems to be speechless, which is understandable, so I try and find conversation ideas before Emily calls out again.

"James for gods sake! I need your help!" She shouts before a string of curses fall out. Me and Riley share an slight laugh. "Sorry babe I gotta go help your sister" I roll me eyes before Emily calls out trying to defend herself. Neither me or Riley hang up we just stay staring down at the phone at each other for a while before I break the silence. "I love you, your strong I know you'll get through this" I smile weakly trying not to let the tears escape and I can see Riley try not to cry to but it soon fails as they slowly start to fall down her cheek.

"I love you so much.." her voice breaks and my heart breaks. I would do anything to have her here right now. I know she's in pain, mentally and physically, and I'm beating myself up over the fact that I'm not there to help her through it. All I can do is give her my word and hope she pulls through. "Bye babe, and... don't even worry bout it, We'll have you home in no time" I try spread a smirk across my face and a small smile creeps on hers. I can see the clear pain and fear in her eyes behind that brick wall she has up. Small cracks in the wall let me in to see to true Riley and is followed by guilt that rushes over me. I can't bare to see her like this. When I left her happiness reflected of off her and bounced off onto everyone else, Her laughter reassured everyone around her, she would glow up any dark situation by being the supportive one when I couldn't and the sparks in her eyes would make the stars seem dim. But now as I look at her all I see is fear. Her sparks have disappeared and her eyes scream pain, there are black bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep and her skins slightly cracking from what I'm guessing is from stress, Her voice breaks more and more as every word falls from her mouth and her happiness seems to be drained.

She hands the phone over to Stephanie who hangs up and I'm still stood down looking at the screen. I'm frozen in place for a while longer before Emily pushes past me in attempt to bring me back down to earth. "I get your in love but jeez..." she's been moody ever since she knew about Riley but I suppose it's her way of coping with everything. We all have different coping mechanisms that help us in are own way. Even if someone else's drives another person nuts. We all just gotta understand that it's just there way of dealing with everything that's thrown there way and we need to be patient with them.

I wonder into the kitchen to look around and see a mess across the counter top. "Emily what the fuck! Why is there so much mess?" I call out. I pick up a few bags off unopened chips and put them away in the cupboard as she walks in. "I'm sorry, just couldn't be bothered" she rolls her eyes while standing in the door way. "This isn't you house Emily you can't just leaving everything messy!" I snap. She falls silent and I start putting the stuff away before she talks again.

"I'm sorry... here I'll help you-"

"No need to help now, I'll do it myself" I cut her off. I put the last packet away and throw away the crumbs before leaning against the island with my face in my hands. She doesn't say anything but just stands there frozen. I didn't mean to snap but as I said people cope differently and I suppose this is my way. I cope by preoccupying myself. Filling myself up on jobs even if their completed already so it passes the time.

"I'm sorry Em... I shouldn't of had yelled" I admit after a while. She walks over to me and leans on the island next to me. "I'm sorry to, I should of cleaned up after myself" she apologies before patting me on the shoulder. I guess where both not coping with this very well, although why would we, we're both scared and worried about the same situation. We both miss Riley greatly. We just need to not take it out on each other.