It's not the end of the world.

Being the bigger person..kinda

(This is Hadley's outfit ^)

The part they don't tell you about moving on is how hard it is. Jake and I have been done for a while but nevertheless, I didn't really put much thought into trying to move on. So now because of that decision, I'm here stuck trying to close the door. It sucks it's a never-ending cycle. Everything I do, I eat, I watch, and every song is just a painful reminder that we aren't together anymore. It doesn't make it any easier that he has moved on. Completely moved on which feels like a slap in the face. How can I be the only one feeling this way? How is he so okay?

Life is just never-ending obstacles that I can't seem to climb. I have so much yet so little. All the things that use to bring me joy just make me sad. It's a horrible feeling because I feel like I'm ruining all the little good I have left. My Friend this is their last year and I'm just dragging them into my drama. I have to be better if not for me than for them. Be the bigger person even if it kills me.

"So what if we stay at Missy's tonight?" I ask beau from the restroom. I stand in front of the mirror with my mascara wand in my hand waiting for a response.

"I'm sorry did you say what if we stay at missy's tonight?" Beau says poking his head in the doorway.

"Yeah, I feel like I kind of wanna stay." I look over at Beau. "I mean that's new but are you sure," He asks me.

"Yeah, I think it could be fun." Beau looks at me funny as if he can't understand what has gotten into me. "Okay." He says as he walks out of the restroom awkwardly. "I guess we are staying." He says loudly from the other room.

"It will be fun," I say exiting the bathroom. "You sure you wanna stay 'cause that's like no escape. You know you won't have the huge party to avoid them." Beau says watching me walk over to my closet.

"I mean I have to get over myself I wanna hang with my friends. I'm not gonna let him or her ruin that for me." I tell him as I grab my shoes from my closet.

"Plus I'm moving on remember," I tell Beau as I bend over to put my shoes on. "Okay," Beau says looking down at his phone.

"Umm don't let me drink tonight," I tell him As I get up and straighten out my outfit. Beau looks up at me confused.

"I just mean I tend to get confrontational when I drink." I say turning around and looking at him. "You're right." Beau says as he points his finger at me.

I turn back around and look at my outfit and question my Choice. I look boring, I've never had the best style but I've never thought I had to dress up. I mean I was never that gorgeous but I never cared about that until my ex started dating  Madison. I mean she is fucking gorgeous. Everyone at school and I mean everyone is in love with her. I look at myself in the mirror one more time and observe my outfit.

"Yeah no." I say quietly to myself. I walk over to my closet and start going through my clothes. Beau looks over as I'm aggressively going through my clothes.

"What are you doing." He says to me.
"I'm changing." I yell to him.

"What Hadley you were already dressed plus we have to go like the party already started." He says standing up from my bed and walking over to the entrance of the closet.

"I can't wear this I look horrible." I say still looking through my clothes. "Hadley, what are you talking about?"

"God all my clothes are horrible." I say interrupting him.

"Hadley I like your outfit." He says just as I find something wearable. I look up at him and smile. "That's sweet beau. But I'm changing." I say getting up with clothes in my hand.

I walk past him and into the restroom and close the door. I put on my clothes and look at myself in the mirror.

"Hadley come on let's go." Beau yells. I swing open the door and stand in the doorway.

"What do you think." I ask.

"Um, you look, you look good. I mean nice you look nice." Beau says stuttering as he scratches the back of his head.

"Like you would fuck me?" I say bluntly.

"I don't know if I should answer that." Beau says avoiding eye contact.

"Like if I was your ex and you had a girlfriend and you saw me at a party and looked like this." I say motioning my hands up and down my body.

"Would you fantasize about fucking me while you fucked your girlfriend?" I say looking back up at Beau.

"I"m going to ignore how that is weirdly specific, But yeah if I was your ex I would think you were hot." Beau says as he grabs the box of cigarettes from his jacket and puts one in his mouth.

"Why are you trying to impress him, Hadley?" Beau says walking over to my window and lighting the cigarette.

"I'm not." Beau turns his head and blows the smoke out my window and gives me a look.

"I swear I'm not it's just that she is so pretty and I know it's stupid, but I just feel like she was the upgrade." I look back up at Beau who is just standing there listening to me.

"Not that I care because I don't care, and I think it's horrible to compare women. I just want him and everyone to know that I'm just as pretty." I say while crossing my arms uncomfortably.

Beau looks at me for a moment and takes the last drag of his cigarette.

"You're beautiful Hadley." Beau says looking directly into my eyes.

I get nervous for a second. I feel goosebumps go up my body as he looks at me. I've never thought I cared what Beau thought about me.

"Trust me Jake didn't upgrade. In fact, he lost the best girl he is ever gonna have." Beau says while throwing his cigarette out my window. I look at Beau and smile. I walk over to the window seal and pull him in for a hug.

"Wow now don't go soft on me lee." Beau says as I pull away from him.

"Shut up Beau." I say hitting him in the arm.
"I'm kidding," Beau says as he pulls me back into his arms.

"Alright let's go before we are any later." I say pulling away from him. I go to the closet and grab Beau's oversized leather jacket and put it on as I walk out of my room.

"MARCUS WE ARE LEAVING!"