Burn My Paranoia One Last Time

29. Sweet Mary Jane

The slow and symphonious strum of an acoustic guitar plays on the boombox in Joel's room. His parents are out for the weekend, so he and I are spinning out on his bed on a Sunday.

"Yo, why does your quilt have so many boxes, Jo?"

"Since when do you call me Jo?" He smirks before hitting his blunt and filling the room with a thick vaporous cloud.

I cough and fall back into his pillow, feeling like I weigh exactly 592 pounds. Dang, why is gravity so strong right now? "Like, your bed? I don't think you need so many squares."

"It's just the design, Rain," he laughs.

"You're strange," I mumble sleepily and chuckle.

"Not as strange as you right now, that's for sure."

"Yo, is that 'Hotel California' playing on the radio?" I roll over and point at the radio. My eyes are practically spinning all over the place.

"Yeah, why? You like that song?"

"Hell yeah! Bro, that's my FAVORITE song."

"I thought Crazy Little Thing Called Love was your favorite. So what, you ditched it that fast?"

I punch him playfully on the shoulder. "Shut up man, you know I have like, fifty favorite songs."

"Pssht, they're not that special if there're fifty of them," he falls back over the other pillow with his hand behind his head and passes me the blunt.

"Says you! Besides," I pause to take a drag. "Hotel California is in my top twenty-five at least." I can barely get the last words out before sputtering and coughing maniacally.

"Holy shit, you are totally vegged out right now, aren't you?" Joel started to crack up.

"I feel wicked," I nod, my eyes still rolling around.

"Gnarly. And you said you'd never do this," he teases.

"You know, Jo, I say a lot of shit. But that was the old me, a different Rain with a different brain. It's like, you know you're never the same person you were yesterday, or even five minutes ago. We're always transforming, like some weird, grody, shapeshifter that looks like a human, but is just a tiny bit different on the inside."

"Yeah, a Rain with a different brain. That makes sense," Joel nods in sincere agreement.

"Mhmm, yeah man. I think Imma take a nap." My drooping eyelids are begging me to close them.

"Go for it. I'm craving something so I'm gonna go get a snack. You want anything?"

"Nah, not right now. Thanks, man," I murmur just before drifting off to light sleep.

Now maybe it's been three seconds, three minutes, or three hours. I can't tell. I can hear him ruffling a bag of chips right as my body shuts down. It's the strangest feeling, I know exactly where I am and what's happening around me even though my eyes are closed. Still, I can't lift a single limb or peel my eyes open. I'm sinking deeper and deeper into his bed, and it feels like gravity is growing hundreds of times stronger. What is happening right now? Why can't I move? I'm contemplating whether my lack of movement is a choice or not, and that's when I realize that I can hardly even twitch a muscle if I wanted to. I try to open my mouth to cry for help but nothing comes out.