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A Scarred and
Broken Soul
[ Play Welcome To My Life
by Simple Plan ]
I am still smiling when I walked out of the classroom with my friends. I can already feel the scorching heat of the sun as we stepped out of the classroom.
Hindi pa ako nakapag-respond sa message ni Sol. It's already lunchtime so we decided to go outside and eat somewhere.
“Sumakit yung ulo ko dahil sa exam,” sabi ni Lara habang may hinahanap sa kanyang blue na bag. “Ang init sa Pinas!”
“Doon ka nalang sa Antarctic tumira, malamig doon o di kaya sa convo mo at ng ex mo... ang lamig,” sabi ni Gabriel habang may sounds effects. Mga isip bata talaga.
“Peyton Gabriel Forester gusto mo ba magsuntukan tayong dalawa? Ha?”
“Hatdog! Sige ba!”
“Hindi gentleman si pareng Gab,” sabi ni Nathaniel.
“Harshman kasi ako.”
“Harshman, tumigil na nga kayo, baka kayong dalawa pa ang magkatuluyan,” sabi ni Azriel habang hawak-hawak ang kanyang cellphone na ang wallpaper ay si Lisa.
“Kapag kami ang nagkatuluyan ni Lara, I'll make sure that our kids in the future are going to be the best criminal in the world!” proud pang sabi ni Gabriel. Sira, best criminal daw. I think he's going to be the worst parent ever. He's supposed to raise his kids to become a good citizen not some kind of terrorist or a criminal.
“Marami na nga ang corrupt sa gobyerno tapos dadagdagan mo pa ng mga anak mong criminal/terorista. Mas gugulo ang mundo kapag nagkaroon ka ng anak,” sabi ko sa kanya.
“Ang saya kaya kapag ang mga future anak ko ay naging terorista, makikita n'yo sila sa tv na may hawak-hawak na baril. Don't worry sasabihin ko sa mga anak ko na h'wag kayong patayin,” sabi ni Gabriel.
They all laughed, they make me feel alive. They're also one of the reasons why I kept holding on.
Pagkalabas namin sa gate ay may nakita akong masayang pamilya na naglalakad sa labas at biglang kumirot ang dibdib ko. I felt a little bit jealous on the girl who is happily holding hands with her parents, she's so lucky to have that kind of family... a happy and complete one.
I stood there frozen, watching the little girl giggle and the smiles plastered on her parents' faces. It hurts. I feel like my heart is slowly being torn into pieces and I couldn't breathe.
I always want things even though I know that I wouldn't get it anyway. A happy family, that's all I ever wanted and I always send that letter to Santa every Christmas but guess what? It never came true, I always thought that I was in the naughty list and that was the reason why my wishes didn't come true but as I grew older, my perspective started to change too.
Life is so unfair isn't it?
Why can't I have a family like that? Maybe for others I am just over reacting and maybe for them I am just a sad girl wanting some attention. Honestly I don't mind....
Because they never experienced my childhood.
They don't know how it hurts.
They don't know how my heart shattered into pieces when I was just a kid.
They were never in my shoes.
If I won't stop now, I know tears are going to fall. Everything seems to become cold to me...
“Hey! Celestia Luna Ven Valderrama come back to Earth you little nut head!” sigaw ni Lara while pinching my cheeks.
“Ouch!”
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