𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 *UNDER RECONSTRUCTION*

five

Warning: Sexual Abuse

Camila Navarro

Flashback

"Ethan!No, please...Don't!" I cried out in pain while he thrust into me mercilessly and repeatedly until no tears were left in me.

"No, you're mine. You whore!" He barked in my face while I cringed my head in fear.

I looked at him with pleading eyes. My lips quivering in fear while I taste the saltiness of my tears. It doesn't matter how many times I beg for him to stop, he continuously hurts me.

"One day you'll realize that you belong to me and only me babygirl." He sneered.

He threw me on the bed and grabbed my wrist pinning them above my head. The bottom half of my body was in a tremendous amount of pain. I was amazed that I didn't faint from all of it.

Ethan started groaning and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I felt disgusted that my body was being used in such a despicable manner. He picked me up from the bed and slammed me against the wall until all I could feel was this burning pain in my lower back. Then he grabbed me by the throat, almost suffocating me. I thought I was going to die from the lack of air.

At this moment I was no longer a girl with dreams and a passion for life. I was a girl that was tainted forever.

•••

I shot up from the bed soaked in my sweat and with hot stained tears on my cheeks. I just wish there was one night where I didn't have to dream about him, all my pain and sorrows are his fault he made me who I am today. I so desperately prefer to forget that part of my life, but my brain carries him permanently engraved and there's nothing I could do about it.

Since I'm up bright and early I choose to get out of my bed and head towards my desk and grab my journal to just write what my heart desires to speak.

                                   December 7, 2019

Unbearable scars are wounds that the soul conserves in a safe space we're pain and suffering exist to be numb. Wounds are like our bruises that show everything, all of us have been through, they teach us lessons about life that forsake us to be scared. We all have a story to tell that influences us to have all of these unbearable scars that can't be fixed, people expect you to be this well-built person that hasn't been through any kind of pain. We hide our unbearable scars because we don't want society to think that we're going through ANYTHING!!! The agony that has provoked us to be strong to do things head-on even though they hurt like hell because trust when I say I know what deep burning pain feels like. Emotional numbness causes us to be numb to the world do not suffer anything, isn't it better to feel that way than to express what you feel, well you shouldn't because you're human, and suppressing what we feel can end up killing us, in the long run, how much can we take before shattering; not long enough your soul and your heart can only take so much it's so frail it can tear. Remember healing is a long process, but we'll get there.

Writing all of this made me realize that I may be in pain and unhappy, but I know one day I'll be free from my hardships and be truly happy.

I check my phone for the time and see that it's 6:30 am. I have to begin getting prepared for the day I walk towards the bathroom to shower I enter and strip off my clothes and get in.

After about 20 minutes I get out, dry myself, and head to the sink to brush my teeth and do my skincare.

Once I'm done with everything I go to my closet and get an oversized hoodie, black leggings, and white sneakers. Then I go over to my vanity to do my makeup.