Gossip Girl (Book Five)

Fifteen

My eyes burned at the light finally being turned on. I finally get some sleep and Jo comes in to ruin it. I groaned, pulling the blanket over my head. "Leave me alone!" I shouted. "I thought we had an understanding! I think after everything that I've been through, I deserve a break from the world."

"It is time for you to get out of bed." I moved my blanket down, completely confused. I looked over to see Blair standing in the middle of the room.

"Huh, I'm actually not surprised you tracked me down." I stated and Blair walked over sitting at the side of my bed.

"I was worried about you and I couldn't just wait around for you to finally call me. I was going crazy."

I let out a deep breath, moving to sit up against the headboard. "I'm fine." Blair looked at me unconvinced. "I'm fine!"

"I smelt you from the hallway. When was the last time you showered?" I saw Blair tilt her head staring at what I was wearing. "Is that your wedding dress?"

I sighed, looking down at it. "I thought putting it on and doing something that would make me happy would help....All I did was cry and eat ice cream. And I haven't taken it off for...What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

Oh, that's not good. "Over a week." I have to really stink. I'm afraid to even find out.

"Oh, Lena." Blair shook her head.

I sighed. "How would you feel if the best day of your life turned out to be the worst?" I could feel the tears in my eyes. "I just never saw my life going this way. My dreams aren't helping."

"What kind of dreams?"

I sighed, not really wanting to talk about it. "Weird ones."

***

I laid on the couch strumming the guitar on my lap and taking a large drink out of my Vodka bottle. "You're mom called again." I heard Carter's voice as he walked into the room just wearing his jeans. He had his phone in one hand and coffee in the other.

"Let me guess to tell me that I'm wasting my life away again." I stated and he walked over to me.

"I don't know why she thinks we don't have this handled." Carter handed me the cup of coffee.

"Maybe because this is the most sober we've been all week."

Carter picked up my legs, sitting down on the couch, and placing my legs on his lap. "It's better than last week."

"How?"

Carter smirked. "I can't even remember it."

I took a drink of my coffee looking around the room. "This is weird." I stated and there was a knock on the door. "Who's that?"

Carter shrugged. "Answer it."

I set the cup down on the coffee table, standing up from the couch and walking over to the door. I opened it to see Louis standing there in his suit. "Louis?"

"Are you ready to go?"

I looked back at Carter, but instead, I saw a large empty bedroom and no sign of Carter. I looked down to see myself in a long formal dress. "Go where?" I asked, looking back at Louis.

"The charity ball." We walked away from my bedroom, heading down the stairs of the palace. We walked past his secretary and I noticed the way he smiled at her. The way she blushed, looking down at her feet.

I couldn't help but scoff. "Sleeping with your secretary. Good to know even royalty is boring when it comes to an affair." I stated.

"We aren't sleeping together."

I stopped, looking at Louis. "God, you are a horrible liar." I turned around, walking away from him.

"Where are you going?"

"Leave me alone!" I shouted, going into the nearest bedroom.

I shut the door and I heard a small voice. "Mommy!" I turned around and two little arms wrapped around my legs. I looked around and I was in a little boy's bedroom. On the nightstand there was a picture of him, me, and Chuck.

I smiled down at the boy. "Are you ready for sleep?" I asked and he nodded.

"Will you tuck me in?"

"Of course." I walked him over to his bed. He jumped in and I covered him with his blanket, kissing his forehead. "Goodnight. Love you."

"Love you too." I walked out of the bedroom, shutting the door. This time I was standing in the hallway. I looked over to see Chuck leaning against the wall.

"You're home early." Chuck said and I just nodded. "Can we talk?" We walked back towards what had to be our bedroom.

"I know that you've been having a hard time with me working so much. But I promise to be there more." I looked outside the window and saw a couple holding hands as he pulled her closer. "I just need to know you won't see him again." They pulled back, looking up at me. All I saw was myself and Dan looking back at me.

I quickly shook my head. "This doesn't make any sense."

***

I finally got out of bed and Blair helped me unzip my dress. "What are you going to do now? Besides shower." Blair asked and I let out a deep breath. I know I have a list of things I need to get done. But I need to start somewhere.

"I have somewhat of an idea." I slightly shrugged, going into the bathroom. I think I need at least three showers to get the sadness off me. Or at least to try and get it off of me.

~~~

After sending Blair home, I made a call. It was hard because I know he wants to see me as much as I want/need to see him. I heard a car stop in front of a cabin and I walked over to the front windows. Chuck stepped out of his limo fixing the buttons on his jacket. I felt a smile spread across my face as I walked over to the door. I opened it and Chuck smiled at me. "Lena." He walked over standing at the end of the steps.

"Hi, Chuck. Come in." I let him inside before shutting the door. Chuck looked around the room before looking back at me.

He stood there like he was scared to move. "Serena told me about the deal at the hospital."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "She wasn't supposed to say anything."

"She did it because she, like everyone else, cares about your future."

"It's not my future I'm worried about."

"Lena, you can't honestly believe--"

"What?!" I snapped. "Can't honestly believe that you were dead? Because you were, and you weren't coming back. The only thing I knew I could do in that moment was to find a way to try and save your life, whatever it took. I made a promise, and I need to keep it."

"You broke that promise when you left Louis. And look, I'm still standing."

I let out a deep breath, stepping closer to him. "Chuck, I love you, but I think it's pretty clear I have some things I need to figure out. But when I finally figure that out I will let you know."

"So I came out here for you to tell me that we still can't be together."

I chuckled, slightly shrugging my shoulders. "I made sandwiches. You want some?"

Chuck smiled. "I'd really like that." I walked Chuck back towards the kitchen where the sandwiches were waiting.