Is This Our Second Chance

Chapter 13

I don't remember getting to school. I don't remember sitting through the first couple classes of the day. I barely notice my surroundings and those talking to me.

"Stella, love, are you alright?"

I look up to see that it's Zach who is trying to talk to me. I barely register the concern on his face.

"I'm fine." I tell him.

Zach stares down at me as I gather my stuff from my locker for the rest of the day.

Somewhere inside my head I want to call out for help and tell him I'm dying inside. Tell him I can't control it.

"How about you come over after school to hang out." He smiles encouragingly at me. "It can just be the two of us."

"Yeah, sure." I mumble before heading off to class.

The voice in my head is front and center at the wheel. It's helping me, that's what a huge part of me thinks anyway. The little part of me was screaming, "IT'S NOT HELPING YOU! YOUR ARE IN DANGER! SNAP OUT OF IT!" But I ignore that side of me.

I somehow, miraculously, make it through the day and out to Zach's car. I see him doing something on his phone while he waits for me. When he realizes I'm close, he shoots me a smile and opens the car door for me.

I mumble a "thanks," and get in and buckle my seatbelt.

I don't hear anything Zach is rambling on about. I'm lost in my own head and staring out the window. I feel numb and empty. I frown at myself as I realize I want to feel something, anything. I turn my head and look over at Zach.

He can help me feel something. I think to myself.

"Zach, can you kiss me?" I don't even recognize my own voice.

He jumps a bit in his seat. I suppose he wasn't expecting me to ask that.

"Stella, can we get to my house first?" He starts to speed up a bit more to go faster down the road.

"I want to feel. I'm numb. I need to feel something. You can make me feel something. Please." I start to cry as I hear myself begging him.

With a jerk of the car, he pulls over abruptly and throws the car in park. He unbuckles his seatbelt and pulls my chin up to face him.

"I will do anything for you." He whispers down to me right before he crushes his lips on mine. He pulls away to place kisses down my neck. I hear him murmur "Love, please snap out of this."

I throw myself into the kiss taking it deeper than we've both dared to go since getting back together. I can feel sensation starting to come back to me from the tips of my toes all the way up to my ears. I pull away to catch my breath and it's like the fog in my vision has cleared. Zach snapped me out of the trance.

"Thank you," I say as I lean my head on his shoulder.

He places kisses to the top of my head as he holds me for a few minutes. "You think you can make it to my house now?" He pulls away to look at me.

"Yeah, I think so." I give him a weak smile.

He clicks his seatbelt back on and moves the car back onto the road. I can tell he's speeding a bit but not enough to catch attention. Once he pulls into the driveway and puts the car in park, we both sit in silence for a few moments.

"Please don't. I'll be around to get you in a second."  Just as I was reaching for the door handle his words made me jump back into my seat.

"Oh, Okay," I manage to get out before he steps out of the car.

He comes around to my side and opens the door. Before I can step out, he's lifting me out of my seat and carrying me bridal style up to the house.

"Zach! I can walk. You can put me down." I swat at his shoulder.

"I know you can walk. But this way, I know you aren't able to run away." He spoke as he adjusted me in his arms to pull out his house keys and unlock the door.

He carries me all through the house and into the kitchen where he gently places me on a bar stool.

"Okay, first on the agenda. What would you like for a snack?" The tone in his voice makes me realize this wasn't optional.

"Um, popcorn sounds good." Swallowing hard on my pride, I look away.

"Popcorn it is then." He proclaims. He grabs a few packets from the cupboard and pops each one after the other into the microwave. He empties each one into a massive silver bowl. After dumping a ton of butter and salt on top he hands me the bowl.

"This is a lot of popcorn." I swallow the lump in my throat.

"Yeah, it is. But I get the feeling you haven't eaten in a few days. Am I right?"

"Possibly," I stare up into his eyes. His green eyes staring directly into my soul.

"If that's the case, then you're going to be starving once you start eating. So, if you want more after this bowl, I'll make more."

I suddenly feel very self-conscious. "You're not mad at me?" I know I need this answer before I take a bite.

"I'm not going to lie to you Stella. I am mad. However, I'm not mad at you for the reasons you think." He lets out a sigh of frustration.

"I don't understand."

"Stella, I'm mad that you didn't think to call me or talk to me about what was going on."

The truth of his words hit me like a brick. I didn't tell him what was going on. We've put a lot of work into our relationship, now this seems like a step backwards.

"I'm truly sorry Zach. It did occur to me. I just couldn't." I feel the words leave my mouth like dry sand.

He pulls me close and holds me for a few minutes. "Just promise me to try to remember I'm here for you when you get stuck in that trance."

I can hear the worry and emotions behind his words. The guilt was weighing heavy on my side. I need to remember exactly that. I need to remember that he is here for me now. He wasn't before, but he is now, and that's what matters.