Fragmented

Family

"Why do you care so much?" She neatly folded her clothes through the screen of my laptop.

I remained silent. Why did I care so much? It's not like anything will be changing any time soon.

"You know, one day when you'll finally be okay, I hope you realize your worth." 

I wholeheartedly doubt it.

"Has it always been this hard for you too?" My voice became softer and more faint. There was a lump in my throat, and I just wanted it gone. "Do you really think I'll be okay?" I asked her again.

On camera, I could see her glance downward. I'm guessing she didn't know herself either. Then, as the warm hues emitted through her window became more vibrant, she did as well.

Smiling she looked up at me and said, "That's up to you to decide, but I do know that healing can't happen overnight."

I could be feel the weight of my own body becoming heaver with each word that came out of her mouth. Her words of encouragement should be helping, but at the very moment all I wish I felt was absolutely nothing at all. Feeling numb seemed to be more appealing than going through the motions.

Yet she continued, despite my gloomy countenance.

"And when you meet that person, I hope you'll be enough for them in the long run. I hope they don't leave you wondering what could have been, or leave you wishing that things turned out differently. I hope you find someone who knows your worth and believes that it will always be worth being with you, no matter how difficult times become," she said.

"You don't have to keep go-"

"I hope you find someone who loves you for you. Loves you in every way possible and wouldn't want to think or resort to other things or people for the energy you yourself can give to them."

I wasn't looking at her, but I could tell that she was looking at me. I mean what is family for anyway? I can't even look my own loved one in the eyes, because I think I'm undeserving of any type of love at all.

"Thank you," I softly replied to her.

"I know you feel like shit right now, but things always happen. I'll always be here if you need me," She said back, now placing her folded stacks of clothes into her dresser.

"I really wish you stayed home," My words were laced with sadness.

"You'll see me in December. Now...let's talk about something else, shall we?"

And just like that, I genuinely smiled for the first time in a long while.