The broken one

lost

I want to cut make a few more scares I want to see the blood run down my wrist and legs I want to feel the physical pain and most of all I want reilf I want take a few pills.
maybe wake up and maybe not.
all I want is to stop thinking of my parents death.
But I can't the one time I don't want to feel anything I feel everything!
I'm fighting my demones with all my might I don't want to cut but at the same time I want to,
everything is just confusing i want to cry but I think I cried all my tear already and I want to get up but my feet won't let me my phones been going off since Monday and its now Thursday I jus want to be alone I want to be left alone I need to be alone my aunt keeps trying to get me to eat but Im not hungry she said my parents left everything to me, I have no clue what to do i want to keep my moms clothing line going so I'll do something and my dad I think I'll just keep it the same.

My phone goes again I just lay here I turn my head to look at my phone but I can't see who it is I jut shrugged it off later that night my aunt Alisca came in to talk to me.

"I was wondering if you knew that your parents put me as your guardian if anything were to happen them"

I just nodded slowly

She smiled sweatly

"We will figure out everything when you are ready"aunt Alisca says getting up off my bed.

When she left I finally fight myself to grab my phone when I get it I don't go lay back in my bed,
no I decide to be courageous and sit on my black and white been bag chair I plug in my headphone and put on shuffle the first song I hear is "The drug in me is you" by falling in reverse

I check why my phone it has been going off like crazy and i had some twitter notifications just people that don't know me and I don't know them but their saying how "sorry" they are for my loss and one hundred and thirty six texts from Sarah and seventy eight missed calls from her,
I have fifty six texts from Adam and one hundred and eighty two calls I just dismiss it all I don't feel like deeling with whatever it is that the world has to offer me.

I throw my phone across the room and then grab my legs and curl up in a ball and start silently crying again like seriously though I had no more tears I thow the pillow that was behind me I then grab random picture off the wall and throw that I then start throwing random things in my room being angry is better then being sad.

I then through a picture of me and my mom and dad on the floor it was the first day that they adopted me I start crying soon my aunt was in my room grabbing my arms and wrapping then around myself I start to scream and cry she just started to sing quietly and gentily in my ear.

" Hope the wound heals but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
You're at war with love, yeah

I stop screaming but keep crying

These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...

I calm down a bit and aunt Alisca sits me on her lap not letting me go.

Never let a wound ruin me
But I feel like ruin's wooing me
Arrow holes, they never close from Cupid on a shooting spree
Feeling stupid cause I know it ain't no you and me
But when you're trying to beat the odds up
Been trying to keep your nods up
And you know that you should know
And let her go
But the fear of the unknown
Hold another lover strong
Sends you back into the zone
With no Tom Hanks to bring you home
A lover not a fighter
On the front line with a poem
Trying to write yourself a rifle
Maybe sharpen up a stone
To fight the tanks and drones of you being alone