Stay ✔︎

Chapter 28

tw: vv mild discussions about eating disorders

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CHAPTER 28
TIME FOR CONFESSIONS

"CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?" Torrey asked, her voice suddenly quieter.

Luisa nodded, taking the last bite of her sandwich, brushing her hands off of any bread crumbles. Apparently, her girlfriend had come all prepared. As they were sat on the branch, she dug into her bag and produced sandwiches and biscuits and water bottle.

"It's personal," she furrowed her eyebrows as if in great hesitancy, "And you can totally not answer if you don't feel comfortable, okay?"

Luisa let out a tentative chuckle, unsure what she could possibly have to ask, but nodded anyways. She had never felt less than comfortable with Torrey and she didn't expect it to change anytime soon.

"Do you... not like eating or something?"

She felt a cold shudder run through her at the question, and her eyes darted up to meet with Torrey's. She was looking at her earnestly, not an ounce of judgement.

She cleared her throat, her own voice coming out just as quiet as Torrey's had, "Um, why are you asking me that?" she hunched her shoulders forward as if to brace herself.

It felt as if all her shields were drawn down without any prior warning and she was left standing exposed and vulnerable. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to react or what she was supposed to do. She expected to feel angry and most of all weak, but strangely she didn't.

Maybe if it were anyone else, she would have felt so. But since it was Torrey, she didn't feel that way. Even stranger, she actually still felt comfortable and secure in her presence, maybe even more than felt being in her own skin right then.

"I've just been noticing that you don't eat all that much? And I didn't want to draw any conclusions. But I've been worried,"

Luisa scratched at her arms. She hadn't realised that Torrey had been noticing those things about her. She knew that Torrey had pointed out a few times when she hadn't finished her food, but she didn't realise that she was keeping note of them.

Luisa let out a low sigh. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell Torrey; it was more that it might change how she looked at her after she told her. Now that she had gotten to spend more time with Torrey and got to know her a little better, she knew that it was very unlikely that she was going to regard her badly, but that didn't mean it wasn't intimidating, telling the truth.

She lifted her head and looked at Torrey, giving her a small smile. The latter parted her lips as if to say something, but Luisa beat her to it.

"I have aneroxia," she willed herself to keep looking at her at not look away although she was tempted to.

This was actually the first time she was admitting it out loud to someone who didn't already know about her eating disorder. She knew it wasn't something to be ashamed of—for the longest time she had believed that it actually was. But now, she knew better.

Luisa was getting appropriate treatment and she was actually getting better, "It's an eating disorder," she offered as an explanation just in case she wasn't aware of it.

"I know; I've heard of it," Torrey nodded, and after a few seconds, she continued, "Thank you for telling me. You didn't have to. I'm sorry—did I ma–,"

"Torrey," Luisa placed a hand on her arm, "It's fine. I wanted to tell you,"

She nodded, "Can I hug you though?"