draft three.

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to : elaine_black@gmail.com

subject : wasting time on people that remind me of you

Allison reminds me of you.

Same dark eyes, same saccharine smile, same lilt in speech.

But, she is not you. But, she is very lovely.

She has been there for me, I am going to be honest. But most importantly, she has held me when I had started to crumble — which reminds me of you. Is this foreshadowing? Does this mean that in the future, I will drive her away too? Does this mean that in the future, she too will give up without another fight?

I am scared. I am scared at how much she reminds me of you, and I am scared of history repeating itself.

So this time, I will try to be a better man.

But can I possibly do that? Can I lay at nights, her voice in my ears as she talks about her day and asks me about mine. At three am, I want to tell her about my passion for maths, but she won't dive deep into trigonometry and study it and surprise me — like you did. She wouldn't understand my integration jokes. She wouldn't memorize my schedule just so that she can greet me before I head out for the day.

I think I get deja vu sometimes, when she is with me. But if she were all like you, I wouldn't know what to do. I never know what to do when it comes to you — that's your effect on me, both a blessing and curse.

I heard that Kaleb changed schools. Good riddance, honestly. But I knew you two were close. You must be sad. I wish I could sit on the grass under the stars with you, and tell you that it will be alright and things will still be the same. But, I won't. Because things won't be the same ever again. In any way.

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