prologue.

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to : elaine_black@gmail.com

subject : i ruined it all

You're all I wanted love to be.

I wanted you to come back to me when my insecurities pushed you away. I wanted to come back at the end of the day, to be wrapped in the familiar warmth of your arms and words. I wanted to kiss you till neither one of us knew where you started and I ended. I wanted us to be everything.

But now that I look back at it, it wasn't love that we had. It wasn't exactly madness, either. God knows what it was. Because when it came to you, the line between my sanity and insanity blurred, and the lines between my love for you and my madness for you twisted, shifted and burned away.

I knew it wasn't love, yet one touch from you had me crumbling into pieces. Are we sure that it wasn't love? I knew it was you, because nothing else made as much sense. But was it love, really? I knew I wanted us to be everything - but was it love that we had?

And that's where I made my biggest mistake. I was confused. I was scared. So, when I tried to demand everything from us while not being able to let go of the other things in my life - everything fell apart, all at once.

In my quest to build everything, I ruined. I ruined it all. And I still didn't know if it was love or not, but I knew that I wanted you to be whatever it was.

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