The bad girl

Chapter 15 "bad idea"

"Go out with you?" I repeated after him, but mostly for myself, but I think it was loud enough for him to hear and get nervous. 

"I'm sorry" I hurried to say to not make thing even more awkward than they already are. "I did not mean to sound like that, I just got a little surprised that you asked me out, you know".

Hi cheeks flushed to red, as he looked down at the floor while his feet swung slowly.

I can't say that I don't like seing him like that, it makes him look ten times cuter

"Um I-I just thought that we could go out like friends, I mean I had a very great time with you today, and I would like to do it again, but just if you wan to, you dont have to if you don't want to.." He spoke fast, making me want to laugh but that would make him feel bad, so I cutted him off instead of his little situation.

"Yes Peter I would love to do it again as friends" I said.

He quickly looked up his surprised eyes meeting mine while a big smile appeared on his sweet face.

"Good, really good I will see you then" He trailed of while walking backwards to the front door of the cafe, but corrected himself with a smile.

"Yes I will see you then" I said along some giggles that escaped from my mouth.

He waved awkwardly to me and then disappeared out in the croud, leaving me siting alone on the small table behind the window only viewing darkness and some lights of the buildings around.

I sat there on my place a while as I ordered a cup of light coffee not wanting to destroy my sleep tonight, but I needed coffee right now so I could set my thoughts in place. What was it, was was that? I came here to confess my secret for him and know I have a date with him? Okey it is not really a date to my defense, but still I shouldn't have been that weak I shoudl ahve told him...

Regret and depression started to flush inside of me, oh no one will ever understand my big hateness for regret, it is the worst feeling ever, worse than a heartbreak worse than real pain, because regret will hunt you, hunt you in a never ending time scale, and is going to be the reason for the war you are going to have inside of your little brain. And how much would it be able to handle, it depends on how big the regret is, sometimes it ends with suicide, but I hope that will never be my case. 

I carried my bag and weared the my jacket after drinking my coffee. The way home was not so long but not so short either, But I didn't feel how fast the time passed because my mind wasn't with me, but with him... Mike.

I started to talk in myself that I needed this, I needed to get my mind away from Mike even if just for a short while. I needed to get away from his eyes, that always manage to sink deep inside of me and bring what I have burried down a long time ago.

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The next day in school, I tried my best to avoid Mike, I need to be a away from him for a while again. But it was not that easy as I thought, when we have English and math together.

In the first lesson I sat near the door, so I could quickly run out when the bell rings. In the lunch break I sat in the library, the place that I know he would never go to, since he hates books, and loves movies. I can't understand how he can hate to read seriously??!!!

Throughout the whole last lesson, I could feel his eyes on me the whole time making me breathless.

Mr.Evans asked me to solve an equations, and I couldn't of course because I wasn't paying attention to class when Mikes eyes are on me. How can anyone blame me for that?

When the bell finally rang, I hurried as fast as I could to gather my stuff and rush out of the classroom.

"Em! Em!" I heard his voice calling after me, great so my plan didn't work out in the end!

I took rapid steps toward the exit door and to the backyard when he reached to me and grabbed my arm and turned me to face him.

"Did you not hear me calling after you several of times?" He asked annoyed and angry as he looked at me expectantly.

"What? No, I didn't hear you, I'm sorry" I lied another lie for the millionth of my my life time.

Mom was right in the end, when I was little I sneaked in the kicthen and stole the cookies mom had baked for the guests that was coming over. I lied and denied that I did that, but she busted me when she saw my mouth covered with chocolate. She told me then:

"Em once you start lying you will never be able to quit it, just like drugs, to lie is not good for you and neither is it for the people around you because it will affect them, just like cigarettes".

But the funny thing is that she started smoking and drinking as soon as dad left us.

"Okay, you looked to be in hurry" His eyes were half open becuase of the strong sunlight today.

"No, I'm just tired and wanted to go home and sleep" I lied again...

"Em, I know when something is wrong with you, you can't hide it away from me, now tell me whats the matter? Is it because of me, are you mad at me?" He asked hesitantly.

"No, no of course not" I can't really tell him the truth, well Mike I wanted to stay away from you because I need some time and especially when I promised you to think about us.

"Believe me, nothing is wrong" I smiled my famous fake smile to make his doubts disappear.

"Okay, well um I was thinking if you want to go out bowling tonight, our friends is gonna be there and it is gonna be fun, so what do you say?" He brushed his hand trough his light brown hair, waiting for an answer from me.

"Yeah okey sure" I said lightly.

"Good" He smiled "See you tonight" He walked back to the school building as I whispered to myself.

"This is a bad idea..."