The bad girl

Chapter 11 "The accidental kiss" (Part two)

This..This was so unexpected. How much it ever felt good I can't do it is wrong very wrong I can't just kiss him I shouldn't!

How much I ever want it I know I have to stop it, so I slowly tried to pull away from his soft smooth lips on mine.

"Em.."He wishpered looking on my lips, I backed of a little just so there would be some space between us, or maybe I didn't want to take any risks that I might jump on him and kiss him, that would be so crazy and not right...

Seeing me backing off clearly made him understand that I feel uncomfortable with this.

"Em..I.. I'm so sorry..I didn't mean to.." He stumbled, he never do that, but he is so cute when he does.

"No Mike It's okay, really,  it was just a misstake we can stop talking about it and just forget that it ever happened and move on" I smiled hoping he would agree but deep down I know I'm just lying at myself.

"What no, no that's not what I ment and it is hell not what I want Em!!" His voice transferred from whispering to loud nad hurt..He got up from the bed trying to reach to me but I just backed of.

"Mike please don't do this Im tired and I don't wanna talk abo..."

"No you listen now, you kissed me back you can't just ask me to forget about it, I can't Em I can't because I somehow love you!! I have been holding on this feeling long enough now, we do everything together I love your smile I love when you yell at me, I love when we sleep together just cuddling and watching movies that we have watched million times before, skipping classes together and sit on the rooftop and talk about everything...Em I would like to that my whole entire life I want to be with you and show you how much I love you"

He is now in front of me only few centimerters away just so I can feel his breath while his hand smoothly make it's way up and down my cheakbone. His eyes  looking down on me full of compession, love and carness and most importantly hope...

"Mike.." I whisper feeling so weak on his soft touch.

"Em I know it came suddenly and you are so surprised but please tell me tell me that you feel the same way and we will be together forever because somehow deep down I can feel your heart on a race right now...and if you don't and I'm just halucitinating then i'm going to try to forget about this and never bother you again with this" My head between his hands, as he looks intensly into my eyes waiting for me to tell him what he needs to hear, just a few words that could change everything. But I choose to glide away from his grip and back away a little, just to see the frown that slowly build up in his amazingly perfect face.

"I..c..can't I..Ineed you to leave now Mike please.." I never knew that I was going to feel weak again, the words just dont seem to want to get out from my mouth, and I couldnt face him my eyes couldn't dare to look him in the eyes cause I know I would only feel weak then.

"No Em I'm not leaving till you look me into my eyes and say the words that you don't love me, say them as you are looking into my eyes" He asked as he took my head into his hands again pulling me closer so I feel his warm breath and hearing his heart that beats so fast.

I can't I can't do this I can't look him into his eyes I know I wouldn't be able to say the words I can't hurt him i can't, but as much as I don't want to and know I must..

I pushed his hands away and looked him into his eyes just like he did before when he told me that he don't know me that day was the worst day I can remember. I know it is not fair but there is something in me that only want revenge even if he is the last person on this planet that I want to hurt, the hate inside me is a lot stronger than the love and always somehow win.

My weak heart is now broken again, I don't understand why twice? wasn't it enough the first time? and the same person?

It is just too much to take in, and his eyes is not making it any less hurtfull. I standed there on my spot, acting stronger than I'm, trying to give him the feeling that this ment nothing, nothing for me.

"I don't love you and this meant nothing for me" The words came out really fast, it only took a fie seconds to say them but felt like five years. Pushing my tears back as I look into his eyes. His eyes oh my God his eyes, never seen him so hurtfull never seen him like this, tears made their way down to his cheeks as he looked away.

I relly just wanted to be near him now hug him and take away all the pain, but I know I can't I have been hurt many times and I don't want to be through it anymore, not again...

"Okey..if..thi..this is want you want then..then I'm not going to bother you again" He said very low still looking every where but not into my eyes. 

He made his way to the balcony, I really wanted to tell him how sorry I'm but the words didn't seem to want to leave my mouth, I was only standing there as all the emotions explode in me, chocked and hurted that is what I feel the most, and the tears didn't stop the whole nighte either.