The bad girl

Chapter 9 "The fight"

Okeeey what is going on here? I threw my purse on the floor followed with my jacket and keys as Imade my way to the kitchen where the smell came from.

I was surprised when I saw mom and my stepdad in the kitchen. My mom was writing on some papers on the the kitchen table as my stepdad was cooking something in the stew. 

My mom noticed me and looked up, syddenly her face turned in anger when her eyes wandered down to my body. Oh damn I had forgot that I was still in my dress.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asked as she got up from the chair crssoing her arms on her chest.

I was weak had no answer, I knew she would be very angry now, she always is when she knows that I have been partying instead of studying or doing something that suits a good girl in my age.

"You have been on a party, haven't you?" She raised her eyebrows. 

"As if you care" I said as I turned on my heels to my room. When I felt a hand on my arm bringing me back.

"Don't you dare walk away from me I'm your mother!" Her voice was high enough to make my stepdad turn his head towards us.

"Honey I think you should take it easy she is a teenager and she have the right to have some fun" He said from there looking at my mom.

But she didn't make a move still holding on my arm hard staring into my eyes in anger. Slowly letting go of my arm.

"Don't you put yourself into this I don't need your fucking help and you are not my father" I yelled at him, he let go of the stew in chock looking at me, I could see that he was hurted by my words, I knew I wasn't doing something brilliant but I can't hold myself.

"Emma don't you dare!" My mom started even more in anger poiting her finger at me. Her eyes was full of hate and anger like she was going to explode in anytime.

"Look at yourself look at this dress what are you wearing!! Where have you even been the whole night long? meeting guys and hanging over right this is what you want to do your whole life waste it, using bad words and unrespectful"

"Like if you care all what you ever do is work work, you don't care if I'm alive or dead you hate me, you know why because I remind you of dad, and you hate him, you hate him because you know it all was your fault it was your fault he left, that he ran away and left us here alone, and all what you did was getting drunk, trying to forget your failure but guess what I'm still here and I saw everything you never cared about us you always worked as now you never gave us your time I should have ran away with him I hate him because he didn't take me with him!" I yelled at her my eyes was filling with tears.

I could see her chocked face at my words she was even more angry than ever and in the next second her hand flew up and hit me on my right face side making my head turn aside in pain as the tears fell down by road.

She have never ever hit me before, but she did it now I was surprised my, the place where her hand was a few seconds ago was burning.

I looked at her in disgust and hate, her eyes was in tears, her face wasn't like before she had the sorry face and hesitated as she bringed her hands on me trying to hold on me, as her words tried to form in her lips.

"Em I-I'm s-orry" 

"NO! Don't ever touch me!!" I backed from her in tears and ran up to my room leaving the kitchen in silent.

I stormed into my room throwing myself on the bed, crying in pain. How could she do that to me, how. I hate her so much I hate myself and I hate evrything I just want to die now.

My tears only got more and more wetting my bedsheat, I held the sheats under me so hard as I creid more and more til I fell in sleep.

.......

When I woke up it was in the middle of the night, I hated it he flashbacks I got just te second my eyes opened. I held my head in my hands trying to avoid the headache I had of all the screaming.

There was some tears dried on my face, I went to the bathroom and washed my face in cold water to calm myself down. I walked out to my desk, sitting there as I slowly opened my diary. 

Dear diary 

It have been a long time since I wrote in you, I kinda missed sharing my thoughts with you since you are the only one who understand me better than anyone.

It have been 12 years is a lot but not so much since it never left my mind.

I miss dad I miss him but in the same time I hate him badly. How could he just leave without thinking about us? Where is he now and what are he doing? These questions are the questions I ask myself everyday and never get the answer to neither of them. A big whole is inside me empty, and for every year it gets bigger. He always used to play with me I was his little favorite, he called me "My flower" Since he loved flowers so much. We used to plant the whole garden with flowers from all the kinds in the autumn. The garden was our place it was a heaven more likely than just a garden. But now it is gone, sold to other people who probably is enjoying their time in our garden, maybe they don't even plant any flowers leaving the garden to die, but the memories will never die they are always going to stay in my heart and I also wonder if they are still in his heart.

I stopped writing on my diary book, a few teardrops forming in my eyes making their way down my cheeks and fall down on the page making the ink smooth on the paper.

I dried a few tears away with my armshirt. I hated crying I really did. I never cry in front of anyone and I always try to not cry in front of myself but sometimes I just cant hold back the tears, it is really hard, I don't want to let myself feel weak, I cant afford it, so I got up from my table and went to lay down on my bed, stil fighting the tears back, ínstead I tried to cry inside like a winner, just like my father learned me.

I went back to my bed, laying there staring at the white blanc roof as The memories and flashbacks started to hit me. The day my dad left us, I cried so much but never had a chance to take a goodbye never had I a chance to smell his smell for the last time and hug him.

I was somewhere else somewhere where I lost my only love, lost my heart and returning home to cry into my dads chest and not finding him there. The day I lost two persons the day I lost myself, the hope and the love.

I couldnt hold myself anymore as the tears found their way back down on my cheeks, the missing really kills more than anything else. I curled myself on bed and started crying myself to sleep.