my darkest mind

BEING SOMEONE IS HARD

i had my first brush with death
leaning on a porcelain sink i wept
shaking and collapsing in on myself
creaking under the weight of obedience

longing for something i couldnt define
i felt this pain in my head as i turned
and you were there standing alone
i was backed into a corner

and you thought you had no other choice
but to grow free from restraint for once
everything untangled as i fell and you ran towards me
something in me broke and you realised it too

i had my second brush with death
blood red eyes followed me
i couldnt breath and swallowed harshly
bestowed upon me was allegiance

binded by scars and blood
my heart pounded as i tried to be someone
someone willing to be someone
and i failed

i had my third brush with death
biting my lip as i came to the realisation
you stood in front of me beckoning
i almost gave in i did

the heat slowly grew unbearable
almost certain death leaning on me
i accepted my fate until you came
i reached for you and you took me

and i tried to make my reverence
but i was cowardly and small
and when i had turned around
you werent there as you were before

i was pulled from the crowd
i waited for someone to call me
for someone to stop me becoming a pawn
but it was silent as i was handed over

i saw you live and die and live again
i cried into my hands i was always a waste
i feigned disdain and hatred
until i learnt the truth of being someone