my darkest mind

THE GOLDFINCH IS DEAD

my mother hates my father
because my father hates himself
my father calls crying
he says its all wrong everything is wrong

the wind slashes my head into four pieces
mother father friend—
my words fall into my hands
i cant close my eyes

at first i think i see myself
but i start to pull at my face
i see a goldfinch with a punctured stomach
i bury it under daisies i pick quickly

i walk home wondering why wasnt it me
why wasnt it me
i am sweating while it is cold
my mother asks me what is wrong

i know she knows why i am angry at her
she asks me again what is wrong
i am okay nothing is wrong its okay
she gets angry at me again

my mother calls my father shouting
dry eyes and pointing toward nothing
she comes to me crying
saying he loves me he only has problems

i think that i have problems too
is it my problem that i dont care
my father beats himself into a hole
his hands are soaked in his own blood

i think that i hope i die
i think i secretly hope i get a disease
something that makes everyone suffer
that lets me escape for once and for all

my mother comes stumbling down the stairs
i catch her before she hits the kitchen tiles
says says i am okay i am okay
i silently let her go before i scream

i will always see their deaths
i will always cry for them
i cant keep myself from crying
when i think of how much i cant see