Chasing Innocence | ✓

39 | false promises

"Rhea?"

It actually feels like spring today. I'm wearing denim cut offs, allowing the sun to warm my bare legs.

I'm sitting on the back step, leaning against the house as I breathe quietly. "Hey," I whisper, clutching my phone to my ear.

"Rhea," Maia sighs, shuffling around on the other end. "Can you come home now?"

She sounds so sad that I instantly feel terrible. Last night had been hard. I know my nightmares are only worsening and I desperately need my best friends.

"No," I answer. "Not yet."

"When?"

"I don't know, Maia."

"I haven't seen you in so long. Dean's been sending postcards. You haven't told him what's going on, have you?"

A sound rattles from inside the garage. Brax walks out, his hands covered in grease as he wipes them with a cloth. His hair is tucked behind his ears and he's managed to get grease on his forehead. Weirdly enough, it somehow suits him.

"Rhea?"

I look away when our eyes connect. "Sorry. I— no, I haven't told Dean. I've been talking to him but it's not important that he knows."

Maia sighs, her voice growing distant as she speaks to someone else. I imagine that it's Layla and my heart pangs with the sense that I've missed out on a few months worth of memories with them.

"Beckett told me about your fight," she continues.

I watch as Brax turns his back towards me, entering through the garage again. I look down at my hand grazing the grass growing through the cracked cement. "Yeah," I croak, suddenly sensing the tears.

"Ree?"

It's enough to cause my lip to quiver. I hold a hand to my mouth, closing my eyes. "The nightmares— they're bad, Maia. As bad as before now."

Maia sighs. "Ree, you've gotta get out of that house. It's toxic. Do you believe me now when I told you that Braxton is the root of all your problems?"

"That's not fair," I sniff, wiping my eyes. "I can hardly blame him for the source of my nightmares."

"I never said he was to blame as the source. But you've put yourself in an environment that's detrimental to your recovery. You were doing so well, Ree. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

She doesn't get it. She doesn't get how much danger she could be in if the people after me knew how important she is to me.

"You know the memories only worsened your depression," Maia says softly. "Please don't keep doing this. Have you been telling Doctor Blackwood?"

I suck in a breath, biting my lip. I don't want to lie to her. I don't. I stay quiet instead.

"Rhea," Maia says scornfully. "You promised me."

"She wouldn't prescribe me anything," I counter. "She wasn't taking it seriously."

"Did you give her a chance?" she says and I hear the anger rising in her voice. "Or did you storm out after one session when she denied it to you?"

When I don't answer her again, I hear her breathe out through her nose in frustration. I imagine her dark eyebrows furrowed together as she rubs at the growing headache. "If you'd kept at it, she would have seen how badly this was affecting you. Besides, you used to be so anti medication when you first started seeing her, she probably just thought—"

"Yeah, anti the anti-depressants. I didn't want those. They made me a living corpse. Don't you remember? I lost my entire personality and I'd walk around like a zombie."

"Talk to her," she urges. "Go back to her and tell her how badly you need the sleeping pills, then. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared for you, Ree. And you're not— you're shutting me out again."

She sniffs and I place my hand against my forehead. "I'm not, I swear. That isn't what I'm trying to do. I love you, okay?"

"I can't keep having this conversation with you. I don't want to. So, please, just get help. Please."

I don't bother offering her another false promise. It's not fair to her that she keeps being hopeful, just to be let down by me.

"I've gotta go," I whisper.

"Ree..."

"I love you."

I end the call as she continues speaking.

"Who was that?"

I pocket my phone as I stand up, stretching my legs. Brax closes the garage door behind him. His hands are clean now, but the grease mark is still left on his forehead.

"No one," I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

Brax nods, like he expected that answer from me. "You won't have to be here much longer."

I frown. "What does that mean?"

"We've got it covered," he says vaguely.

He walks past to me to go inside my I grab his wrist, stopping him. "What are you planning?"

He turns back briefly, catching my eye. "Who says we have anything planned?"

"You're leaving me in the dark again," I state.

He pulls away from my hold. "You don't need to know everything."

"Brax—"

"Enough, Rhea," he snaps. "It's almost over. That's all that should matter to you. Then you can go on with your perfect life."

"Perfect? You're still going to throw that word around? Did you not hear a goddamn thing I told you?"

His eyes meet mine again and I see the turmoil within them. "Trust me," he whispers, "I heard it."

I let go of his hand, knowing that it's a lost cause. He's not going to tell me anything.

Pain flashes in his eyes as he walks away from me, slamming the back door and leaving me in silence.