Chasing Innocence | ✓

48 | honest grief

The clink of forks is the only sound heard in our apartment. I can feel Maia watching me from across the table. Layla is making polite conversation like I haven't known her for years.

I hadn't had dinner outside of my room since Casey died. There is still a deep hollowness in my heart that aches when it beats, but I know that if I don't put on a brave face now, my friends will stage an intervention.

"I left the apartment today," I murmur, taking a bite of the tuna bake Maia had cooked.

"That's fantastic!" Layla beams, relieved that I'm talking at all.

"Where'd you go?" Maia asks.

"Just to speak with Xavier downstairs," I whisper. "Not that far."

"It's a great start though, Rhea," Layla nods. I smile gratefully at her, but I'm not sure if it's any better than a grimace.

"That idiot always tries to make conversation with me when I'm coming back from a run," Maia grumbles, dragging her fork against the plate. The squeal that it produces makes me grit my teeth. "Like I'd ever give him the time of day."

"He's looking out for us," Layla offers. "He doesn't have to sit out there all night."

"Are you really on their side?" Maia bites, tightening her hold on the fork in her hand. "If it wasn't for them, none of this shit would have happened to Rhea. She wouldn't need protecting."

"Hindsight," Layla sighs. "It never ends. If we're going to blame them, then should we blame Davina Jenkins for giving her the internship? For introducing her to Brax? You can't look at it like that, Maia."

I rub my forehead, staring at my half empty plate. "Guys, please. I don't want to talk about this."

Layla watches me sympathetically but Maia's hard gaze doesn't settle. Sometimes I feel like they're playing a game of good cop, bad cop.

"I rang Cash earlier. I'm going back to work next week," I continue on quietly. "It might help to keep my mind off...things."

I hadn't called Davina yet. I didn't have much of my internship left, but I still wasn't sure that I could go back right now. It feels too close to home somehow.

"And Doctor Blackwood? When are you going back to her?"

"Maia, enough," Layla sighs. "Stop pushing this on her."

"It's okay, Lay—" I begin.

Maia drops the fork from her hand, balling her fists. "It's not okay! Stop lying to us! We are you best friends, Rhea. We can see that you're hurting. Just talk to us. You haven't even told us what really happened that day with Casey—"

"Because I'm not ready!" I roar, standing from the table abruptly. "I lost someone because I put them in a situation that I should have seen to be dangerous. I'm not just going to get over that when people tell me 'oh, it's not your fault'."

"Rhea—"

"You're the one person who always tells me that time differs for everyone. Well, listen for once, Maia. Actually listen to what I want," I snap. "You think you know what's best for me, but sometimes you really don't."

The look she gives me is like I've slapped her. Her eyes fill with unshed tears. Despite feeling a tinge of guilt, the need to explain the truth bubbles to the surface.