Chasing Innocence | ✓

41 | unwanted revelations

The first thing I want to do is deny it. Not because I don't believe Casey is telling me the truth, but because I don't want it to be true. I want to take back the last minute and pretend it never even happened.

"Say something," he whispers.

The world keeps turning. The sun shines down on us, illuminating the copper in Casey's brown hair. A bird flies past, harmonising a song.

Everything seems the same, but nothing is.

"Do you hate me?" His eyes shine with tears, breaking my heart.

"No," I whisper.

He turns away from me, beginning to sob. In an instant, I stride towards him. My arms hold him up as I rest my chin atop his head. He holds onto my arms for dear life as he apologises over and over.

"It's not your fault," I say.

"It is," he insists. "I killed Dylan. Brax protected me. Even Marco— even Marco helped me by hacking in to delete the footage from the diner. I was the one who gave in the footage to Davina so Brax wouldn't go to prison. I didn't want everyone's lives to be ruined because of me."

"Dylan was— Dylan wasn't a nice person," I croak. "He was trying to hurt your family."

Casey shakes his head. "You hate Marco for killing Matthew. I'm no different. I killed someone too."

My stomach plummets, knowing that maybe I am a hypocrite for wanting to protect Casey from this.

"It is different," I argue. "You didn't mean to kill him. You've shown me what a caring person you are, Case. Don't compare this to Marco's decision."

"I'm no different," he repeats hoarsely. "I'm worse. I let my brother go down for it. I've let an innocent man die for a crime he didn't commit. The world thinks Matthew was a murderer."

I close my eyes, holding him tighter as his knees seem to give out.

I have never felt so conflicted in my entire life. I'm supposed to be on the right side of the law, fighting for justice, fighting for innocence. Now I'm questioning everything I've ever believed. Wondering if protecting people you love, no matter what they've done, is better than letting justice prevail.

Casey made a mistake. A mistake that he will live with for the rest of his life.

Is it wrong that I want to protect him from this? Should I want him to tell the truth? Isn't that what good lawyers need?

"I don't want to live with this anymore," he cries. "I'm horrible."

"No, you're not," I whisper. "You made a mistake. You didn't..."

My lip quivers as I hold back my own tears. He's a fourteen year old boy who resorted to killing someone in order to protect his family. He didn't see another way out. He knew Dylan would keep coming for them until he had all his money. He wouldn't stop. Casey made a decision that he thought was right, in a situation that no person should ever have to deal with.

"This shouldn't be your life," I urge. "You shouldn't have been taught that violence is the answer. It isn't your fault that you were brought up this way."

For a moment, he just holds onto my arms. His chest shudders as he tries to control his emotions.

"I want to confess," he whispers. "I want to go to the police station and I want you to take me."

I shake my head and he unravels himself from my arms, pulling away. "I need you to do this for me," he pleads.

"I can't," I say as my heart breaks. "I can't do that to you. Matthew is dead, Case. Nothing can bring him back now. They think he did it. You don't need to go there. You're not a murderer. You won't do anything like this again."

"Won't I?" he snaps, wiping his eyes. "How do you know I won't turn out like Marco, who unapologetically hurts people? Or Brax who has a thrill for violence? It's in my blood, Rhea."

"You're not even related to Marco!" I argue. "And— and you're not like them, anyway. I know who you are, Case. Don't do this to yourself."

The back door opens and I turn around. Brax is standing on the top step as his eyes move from me to Casey. He watches the scene unfolding stoically, like he isn't sure what he's seeing.

"You told her?" Brax snaps, striding down the steps. He bypasses me, standing in front of his younger brother. "Are you insane?"

"Hey," I interrupt, grasping Brax's arm as I pull him back. "He's already upset. Just— let it go."

He jerks out of hold, turning to watch me. "Let it go? Do you know what will happen if Casey keeps running his mouth? If anyone finds out about this, we're fucked."

"Haven't you realised by now that I'll keep my mouth shut?" I snap. "I thought we were past this."

"You're studying to become a fucking lawyer," he snaps. "Sorry if that worries me a little bit."

Casey walks between Brax and I as we argue. I watch him as he stalks back into the house, slamming the door.

I rake a hand through my hair, trying to process the shit storm that is my life. "I can't believe this," I rest my head in my hands, frustrated.

"Don't have a fucking meltdown—"

"Shut up!" I shout, shoving him back. "Don't tell me how to feel. This— this is breaking my fucking heart, Brax. He's a kid. He's a good kid. Holding this in will kill him."

"He'll just have to learn to live with it! We don't have a choice!"

"Don't be so heartless," I croak. "He'll need professional help. There is no way that he'll ever get over this. Guilt will eat him up until nothing is left. Trust me, I know."

Brax's eyes darken as he rubs a hand across his forehead. "You think I should take him to a shrink? So that he can confess to murder? Are you serious, Rhea?"

I clamp my mouth shut, knowing that what I'm about to say is so hypocritical, but it's the truth. It's the truth that I know in my heart.

"You don't know what it's like, Brax. The guilt. It'll consume him until nothing is left but sorrow. You'll lose him. Maybe not physically at first, but mentally. He'll withdraw from you and then... then you could lose him forever."

Brax laughs angrily. "He's not you, Rhea."

"Maybe he isn't like me right now," I interrupt, "but don't let that change, Brax."

"He talks to me. He—"

"No," I shake my head. "He doesn't. He won't. He already blames himself for you taking the fall. For what Marco did. If you won't find him the help he needs, at least sit down and talk to him about this. Have you even told him that you don't blame him?"

Brax doesn't answer me and I wonder if a part of him does resent Casey for everything that has occurred lately.

"I hate that you didn't tell me," I say. "When I came back after what Marco did, was that not enough for you?

"I stuck around because you made me believe in you! You made me believe that despite the hard exterior you hold, you really do care. That you were innocent and would never take another's life."

"And I didn't," he whispers. "I didn't kill anyone."

"No," I sob, "your little brother did. And you lied to me. You let me help you put another man away, knowing that it wasn't right. How am I supposed to live with that?"

"You just will. You will live with it the same way I live with it. The same way Casey will live with it. None of us have a choice."

He leaves me standing in the back garden, holding my arms around my stomach as I cry softly.