Chasing Innocence | ✓

55 | recurring events

I find Brax outside working on his car the next morning. I still feel hurt that he never told me about the connection to his father, but I don't want to keep fighting when so much else is going on too.

He's wearing a white tee stained with oil. He has a smidge spread across his cheek and I feel my stomach coil with the unexpected attractiveness of it.

He watches me approach with caution, bent over the hood. I cross my arms over myself protectively, feeling as though he's seeing everything I'm feeling before I've even spoken.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asks, brows etched in concern.

It's still so new for me to see him openly express what he's feeling. My breath catches in my throat at the way he watches me with such worry.

I shake my head, leaning against the side of his car as I watch him work. "I was thinking all night," I say quietly.

He nods, almost in understanding. "I know. But I'm not gonna let you leave right now. No more back and forth between fucking houses. You're here until it's over."

I frown and he seems to take it the wrong way again, believing that I'm still choosing to stay angry with him. "I know it isn't what you want," he states, "but I can't let you leave, Rhea."

"I didn't come out here to fight with you about your dad. If that's what you thought."

He looks up at me, wiping his brow. "I wouldn't blame you," he answers. "He was a fucking prick."

"Yes," I nod. "But I'm tired of this. I don't want to fight with you anymore. After everything, I finally felt like we were getting to a good place. I'm choosing to let it go because there are more important things right now."

He wipes his hand against his brow, watching me closely. He doesn't saying anything so I continue.

"But I'm going to make some important changes. For starters, I'm going back to therapy."

He leans back against the bench behind him, listening to me intently. "I'm going about this all wrong and I need to get better. Otherwise, I'm only going to get worse."

"And—"

I have to clear my throat to get the next part out, because it isn't what I want at all. But it's exactly what I need.

"And once this really is all over, I think— I think we should take some time apart. I need some space from everything that has happened."

No one's relationship is supposed to be so hard in the beginning. Even if Brax didn't want to use the word boyfriend just yet, we'd completely skipped the honeymoon period and had been welcomed to hell.

He blinks before clearing his throat. "Whatever you want," he mutters, turning towards the car.

My heart thuds loudly in my chest. I'm disappointed by his reaction. I'd thought he'd care a bit more about my admission, especially after he'd seemed so sorry last night.

"That's all you've gotta say?" I ask, hiding my hurt as best I can.

He throws the towel he'd been holding against the car, balling his fists. "What do you want me to say, Rhea? That I'm upset? Surprised? You were gonna leave eventually."

"Don't do this," I plead. "Don't pretend you don't care again. I'm not going going away for good. I just need to get better."

"And I said that's fine. Fuck," he curses. "You're the one who is starting this fight!"

I glare at him. "Sometimes I just need to know that you care, alright? Is that so hard?"

"You know how I am," he shakes his head. "Haven't I started doing that, though? Haven't I been better?"

"Yes, but—"

"Maybe I'm just not enough for you, Rhea. Maybe that's the problem here."

"Brax..."

"I'm busy right now," he finishes, ending our conversation. "If you need to go out, let me know so I'm sure you're safe. Because I do fucking care."

His muscular arm reaches up above his head as he pulls down the roller door, leaving me standing on the driveway outside the garage.

"Ignore him," Sof says from behind me suddenly. "He was born an idiot."

She grips my hand, pulling me away from the garage and back inside. "Are you working later?" She asks.

"No," I shake my head, fighting back my sudden exhaustion. "Do you think I just did the right thing? Because a part of me feels like I just made a huge mistake."

"Do you still love him?" she asks.

"Of course," I state, falling against the couch.

"Then yes. I think you made the right choice."

She sits beside me and I notice that her eyes seem clearer. Colour has begun to return to her face and the bags below her eyes that had been prominent have become smaller.

"I don't know everything that has happened between you two, but I do know that if you both love each other, all the adversity won't stop you from finding your way back."

I smile softly at her, pulling her into a hug. "You've suddenly become very wise."

"Please. I've always been wise. People just don't appreciate it."

The door suddenly bangs open on its hinges and Brax appears. "I've changed my mind."

"What?" Sof and I say in unison, alarmed.

"Push me away if you want, but I'm gonna be here for you. That's final. I'll always be here," he's looking straight at me as he says this, breathing hard as though he's run a marathon.

"Brax—"

"I know I have a lot of making up to do, Rhea," he begins. "And fuck if I know what I'm doing. I don't. But one thing I know for damn sure is that I'm not going to give up on us so easily this time."

I laugh at the absurdity of this situation. "You're insane," I shake my head, smiling.

"Well, we could probably argue that out of the two of us, you're the one more likely to be deemed insane."

I cover my mouth, choking on my own cough. "Did you— did you just make a really poor joke?"

A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth as he strides towards me, pulling me into a soft kiss. He grazes his thumb against my chin as he other hand rests on my lower back.

But I should know that perfectly imperfect moments don't last forever.

Gun fire begins to sound through the already shattered and boarded up front windows as Sof screams.