1.1 | daunting medleys

twenty | dying embers

Dinner had never been this quiet.

Forks barely made noise as they scraped plates. No one made conversation, and it seemed labouring to reach for the salt or even water. Tabitha didn't feel hungry, but she shoved a forkful of arugula in her mouth. It tasted like cardboard. Talia didn't bother coming down for dinner, complained of sore legs after track practice. Her dad was eating silently, as was her mother.

Perhaps in a bid to ease the tension, her mother set her sights on Tabitha. "How was school?"

"It was fine," She knew that wasn't what the older woman was asking about but Tabitha didn't know what to do. "We had a test in calculus today." Tabitha mumbled lowly, her blood freezing when her mother's eyes narrowed.

She put her fork down gracefully, then turned to her daughter. "And how did you do?"

Tabitha didn't know how to answer. She wasn't entirely sure of the test, because she was thinking about volunteering at the orphanage and Oliver. Tabitha was thinking of how gentle Oliver had been today, how he spoke softly, as if she was fragile, as if she radiated fragility.

She'd caught him staring at her hands after Mr Johnson brought up the violin, and Tabitha hadn't addressed it because she didn't like to talk about her violin. It was the only instrument she hadn't played the violin since she was twelve, she hadn't touched it since the very first violin she touched was burnt to a crisp before her. Subconsciously she traced the discoloured burn mark on her palm, her eyes shut firmly to avoid thinking about dying embers and her favorite instrument.

"I tried my best." She said, her eyes firmly fixated on the plate. Her food looked even more unattractive in her eyes, the chicken looked bland and the salad almost made her vomit.

The older woman's stare became more intense. "It's always been a definite yes or no. Why the uncertainty? Didn't your teacher go over what would come out in the test?"

"I was in the hospital when he went over the topic and a friend helped me revise it." Tabitha flinched when her mother's fork scraped across her plate, then she dropped it with a loud clatter.

"Is that an excuse?" She asked with narrowed eyes. Tabitha shook her head softly, almost imperceptibly. Her body shook with unrestrained fear, her hands gripped her fork, as if she wanted the metal to be ingrained with her quickly reddening palm.

Her father bristled. "Stop it. She said that she tried her best and that's enough. Even if her scores are lower than usual, it's enough. She has been through a lot this past week and I will not let anyone talk to her how they please because they are inconsiderate towards their own child. Are we clear?"

The older woman dipped her chin in understanding, her grave expression turning petulant. Tabitha didn't say anything, her mouth sealed shut. She couldn't say anything. Nothing would be appropriate, and besides, she never interfered when her parents squabbled. Her chin shook as she grit her teeth, something she did when she was scared. The silence hung over the dining room, almost physically restraining Tabitha from speaking. She watched as how disgust slithered into her parents expression while they stared at each other, and that was all she did. Tabitha watched as her parent's marriage burned in barely trying sparks.

"I'm through with my meal. Thank you Mum, thank you Dad. May I please be excused?"

Her father's aged hands waved her away but she quickly remembered something.

The older woman found Tabitha hesitant to leave the table and she snarked. "Well?"

"I volunteered to help out at the orphanage." Tabitha mumbled, so quietly that she wondered if she had said anything, but by her parents quickly changing expressions, she knew they heard. They weren't confused, there was only one orphanage in St Broughton. It was more of pride and her mother's changing look of anger.

"Why would you do that? This is your last year in high school and you need to focus on school. I do not need you frolicking around this town with some lowlifes because of the orphanage. You will go back and tell them that you've revoked your offer and will not help them. Besides, what would you help them with anyway?" The older woman's expression twisted from anger, to pure rage and then mockery. Tabitha watched, with blurry eyes, as her biological mother tore her down after she'd uttered one sentence.

She stood before them, like a criminal on trial. Her head was bowed and she twisted her fingers until her joints began to hurt. "Mr Johnson asked me to teach them to play the drums and I would love it if I could. I won't let it interfere with my studies, I promise." Tabitha pleaded softly, a tear falling to the ground in a drop of salty pain.

Her mother stood up and pointed to her daughter with a shaking finger. "No! You will go back on Monday, and tell Mr James or whatever his name is that you will not be touching those diseased children."

Tabitha glanced at her father in her last plea. He looked further enraged until he slammed his hands on the table, and she flinched so hard she almost tripped. This wasn't good, her fingers shook as if trying to grasp the last bit of sanity that encompassed her but they slipped like fine sand through her fingers. The noise resonated through the house and Talia limped down, her eyes immediately finding Tabitha's wide, frightened eyes. She knew that his anger wasn't directed at her but his fiery rage was always explosive and left everyone scared, despite his cheery attitude.

"Tabitha is going to volunteer there for as long as she wants, and her grades are going to remain perfect. Your daughter wants to do something good and this is the reaction you have. You are disgusting." He spat, his voice eerily low. "She's been very obedient all her life! She has never asked for anything unreasonable! Perfect grades! Awards! All things she has done. Now she wants to help out and teach kids something she has always loved! And this is the fucking crap you have to say! You are vile and disgusting!" He yelled.

Tabitha almost didn't see her mother's hand move, almost didn't notice the way her father's head tilted from the impact of the hit, but she did.

"If I'm so disgusting, why did you marry-"

He got in her face and roared. "Maybe I shouldn't have married you!"

Tabitha's knees buckled. Talia gave her a side hug and Tabitha leaned on her, too drained to stand. She left without being excused, each step heavier than the last. Tabitha let the tears fall, her fingers shook as if she was hoisted and pushed. She couldn't breathe. She inhaled shakily, her lungs burning. Her lashes trembled, clumped together with tears. Tabitha fought to keep her heavy eyelids from shutting. She could feel her parent's stare on her back, and didn't turn to look at them. They walked up to her room, and Talia turned to Tabitha. Her sister's eyes were unclear to Tabitha because she could barely see over the tears in her eyes.

Tabitha sat on the floor, her leggings itched her bare skin. Her palms pressed into her thighs, her eyes unfocused. She glanced wildly to find stability and focus but all she could hear were loud sobs and heavy breathing. It took her awhile to realize that they were hers, that her pain poured forth.

She was pushed into someone's embrace. The person smelt like cinnamon and sugar, warm and homely.

"Breathe Tabitha."

Tabitha croaked. "I... I can't. I... It... Hurts."

She was tired.

A sniffle escaped her. If Tabitha could just close her eyes. Talia hugged Tabitha, but she felt constricted. She pushed out of her sister's embrace and pushed her head into her knees, curling upright into a fetal position. It's like she was underwater or her ears were filled with water and all she could hear was loud cackling, beration and the cracking of fire. She was falling apart. Black slithered across the edges of her vision. She bit her tongue, until the metallic taste of blood overtook her mouth. Tabitha needed to be grounded.

"You're going to be okay. We... We are going to be okay." Talia echoed from beside her, not touching but letting Tabitha know she would be beside her.

Tabitha curled into herself further, the last thing in her mind was her mother's sinister expression and the glow of fire as it ate hungrily, the last pieces of her violin.

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i really don't know what to say. this chapter is one i've been planning for a while and i'd written a while back. just getting to editing it, so if you notice any errors or mistakes, please let me know bestie.