1.1 | daunting medleys

fifty-one | go out with me

Oliver knew Tabitha was concerned for him, and he tried to convince her that he was fine, that he hadn't been losing sleep over the fact that he couldn't get in contact with her for two days. Despite the bad decisions he'd made, she was fine. She was here. There was nothing wrong with her. The movie must've been really good, but he couldn't pay attention to it when she was leaning against his chest innocently.

Tabitha was fine. She was here. She wasn't leaving him. She asked again, if he was fine, and when her voice travelled to his ears, accompanied by her weight, Oliver knew she was here, she was with him. He let out a smile, and her gaze travelled to his lips. The thought of Tabitha liking him back was nothing short of a dream, one that he didn't want to wake up from. If Tabitha felt for him, even a sliver of what he felt for her, he would be on cloud nine.

Her eyes were clear, unlike someone that had been asleep for two days, and the space between them was practically inexistent. She was snuggled into him, her soft body leaned beside his.

The doorbell rang, and everybody turned to the door. Talia practically jumped up, and ran to the door, she opened it. The figure at the doorway entered the house, and Talia gave him a kiss. The boy laughed, then glanced at everyone as if he didn't know they were there. Tabitha stiffened, Ariana laughed and Axel huffed. Oliver tilted his head, staring at the boy he was sure he didn't know.

"Everyone, this is Toby, my boyfriend."

She glanced carefully at Tabitha, who was frozen in Oliver's embrace. Talia looked like she was about to cry. Toby seemed to shuffle on his feet, as if he was scared of Tabitha. The aforementioned girl walked up to him, extending her hand.

"I'm Tabitha. Its nice to meet you." He grasped her hand, and shook it rapidly while Talia tried to hide her laugh.

"I... I know, Talia talks about you a lot." He stammered, and handed her a box of chocolates. "She said you were sick, so I brought you these. I didn't know what you liked." He looked around at everybody, as if just deciding to acknowledge them. His eyes lingered on Oliver who was just spectating, he raised an eyebrow at Toby. The boy removed his gaze and fixated themselves on Talia. They looked cute together, and Tabitha could tell, because as she walked back to sit with him, her eyes softened.

She leaned against his shoulder. "Do you think I should be mean to him?" Oliver huffed, his lips twitching. Tabitha didn't look like she had a mean bone in her body, and Ariana that had heard her let out a laugh.

"Why are you all looking at me like that? I can be mean." She said, agitated. They all burst out in laughter, and she pushed her head into her hands. Toby's smile wasn't directed at Tabitha but at Talia, as he planted a kiss on her forehead.

"We were watching The Duff. Do you want to watch it with us?" Talia asked coyly, and the boy nodded rigorously. She led Toby by the hand to the space by the chairs where she'd laid on the floor. Tabitha was still looking at them with a keen eye, despite the smile on her eyes. From what Oliver had seen, her and Talia weren't close and she seemed as shocked as everyone when she said they were in a relationship. He knew that Tabitha was upset, and she wasn't focusing on the movie. Her eyes were hazy, and distant. He wrapped her hand around his, and she shook before looking at him.

In the dim light, her eyes were glassy and her lower lip was trembling. The pain in Oliver's heart was unlike he'd seen before, he brushed a tear and wrapped an arm around her. The notion of her being in pain and it corresponding in physical pain for him was something he was definitely used to, and he hated it. The movie was playing, and he could hear Ariana laugh at something on the TV but their minds weren't on whatever was going on.

"Ollie. Can we talk?"

Tabitha was waiting for an answer. He eventually nodded so she, boldly, took his hand and led him to her room. Oliver could feel his face heating, he knew he was blushing. Axel coughed, and the rest of them were watching. They sat on her bed, seated side by side.

"Are you okay?" Tabitha asked, and when she opened his mouth to give her a perfunctory answer, she shook her head. Her hand covered his mouth. "I don't want to hear the lies you've prepared for me. Ollie, you look like you haven't slept for days. What's wrong?" His eyes stung, and he blinked back tears.

Her eyes softened, and Tabitha pulled him in for a hug. It was awkward and Oliver could feel that her arms were hurting. His hand traced the apples of her cheeks, when they pulled apart. Oliver didn't care about boundaries, didn't care that she didn't know how he felt. He felt fear like he never had when he didn't hear from Tabitha. The world was bleak, and all he could go at night was imagine what he would do without her.

And for the first time, he broke a promise he made to his mother. Oliver remembered that he had a few packets of cigarettes in his drawer, and he smoked till all that was left was nicotine tinged blood in his veins. He did it because it helped, helped him loosen the nerves in his body so he could imagine she was alright.

"Would you believe me if I said I just missed you?"

Tabitha shook her head.

"Then, I guess you won't know the truth. I have one friend, Tabitha. Axel literally forced his friendship on me." He laughed, shrugging. "I'm close to the guys at the orphanage, and that's it. You, on the other hand, are one of the most important people in my life. Not hearing from you was horrible. I started thinking something had happened to you, and I did things I'm not proud of." She was fiddling with her fingers, and her hands were shaking. Oliver hated seeing her like that, so he clasped her hands in his. "Don't feel guilty. It's not your fault. You couldn't reach anyone, and it's my fault for thinking the worst."

Tabitha was still looking troubled, so he lifted her head. God, her eyes were beautiful. Dark brown seemingly melting in the afternoon sunlight. "What did you do?" He froze, and he pinched her forehead.

"I smoked again. When I turned fifteen, I finally knew what had happened between my dad and mum. I started smoking, and would go through about 3 packets a day. I had some in my room, and it was a moment of weakness. So I..." She placed a hand on his, about to open her mouth. "Don't fucking apologise. It's not on you. It's me."

She smiled sadly. "But you-"

"Tabitha. Don't." He said, trying to explain to the girl before him that it wasn't her fault that he'd relapsed. "My therapist knows, and we're talking about it."

Her eyebrows rose. "You have a therapist?"

Oliver shrugged. "No one knows. Only my mum, and my therapist's also my aunt. We have sessions through Zoom." She wrapped her arms around him, mumbling something into his shirt. He wanted to tell her he loved her. Oliver wanted to tell her everything, but he settled for the next best thing.

"Tabitha?"

"Mmm?"

"Will you go out with me?"