1.1 | daunting medleys

forty-two | no tenacity

Tabitha was losing her mind.

She didn't think she would open up, sat next to Oliver at the most tranquil location she knew. Her feet were bare against the cold, wet bank of the lake, yet she had never felt warmer. The space between them was non-existent, and Oliver hadn't spoken she had started and stopped.

"Mother didn't like the fact that I liked music when I could be attending ballet, painting or etiquette classes..." She trailed off, remembering stiff teachers, and shut doors. "So one day, when Talia and Dad had gone for a week long trip, she pulled me to her office and said she wasn't going to let me play music anymore." Tabitha stopped, her hands shaking at the worst day of her 15 year old life. The quietness was uncomfortable, and prickled under her skin.

Oliver was quiet, and when he grabbed her hand, she stilled, then squeezed his hands. He pulled the hand that was closest to him and placed it on his lap, playing with it as she did earlier.

"I tried to protest, I yelled, and screamed at her but she just locked me in my room." Her voice shook. This was the first time that she'd spoken about it, to anyone. Talia, her dad, and not even her grandmother knew about it. Oliver's hands stilled, then continued as if nothing had happened, but Tabitha knew that he was tense. "There was smoke everywhere. I couldn't breathe, and when I looked down from my balcony, I saw my mother... She was burning something. She heard me and I... She..." Then she paused again to look at the quiet ripples on the surface of the lake. The cold bit at her exposed hands, and fingers but she didn't mind.

"She rushed up to my room and opened it, then dragged me down to where the fire was. Then I saw that she was burning my violin." Tabitha couldn't hear the waters, nor could she hear Oliver's rhythmic breathing. "The pain ate away at my chest, and I couldn't breathe anymore. I tried, y'know, I tried to save my violin. I dug through the fire, and burnt my palm." He had been tracing his finger over the discoloration on her hand, Oliver had been tense, and then, he started shaking.

Tabitha felt the breeze against the wetness on her cheeks, and when she brushed her fingers against her cheek, she wasn't suprised to feel tears on her shaking fingers. "She held me back, and said that she was doing this for me. She said she loved me, and that's why she burnt it. My palm was bleeding, and burning, and I was screaming, but she didn't care."

Oliver finally turned to her, and through blurry eyes, Tabitha could tell that his eyes were red. He kissed her head, and her cheeks slowly. Her lashes trembled. His hands were shaking. "You're so strong. You're so strong." He murmured repeatedly, and with courage that she didn't know, she pushed into his arms. He wrapped his hands around her, and she was much closer than she would ever know. She didn't cry out loud, she didn't wail. Tabitha burrowed her face into his chest, inhaling the scent of cologne that clung to his clothes.

"Ollie..."

He looked down at her. Beautiful, and strong, everything she wasn't. "Yes?"

I love you. "Nothing. I just wanted to call your name." Coward. Coward. Coward. Coward. Coward.

He smiled at her, pushing hair behind her ear. The sun flattered Oliver, and she knew, from how his eyes shone, the sharp curve of his jaw was illuminated, and wisps of hair fell on his forehead with no effort from him to push it back. And Oliver didn't know it, but the boy with messy, curly hair and the most beautiful pair of grey eyes had slowly burrowed his way into her heart, and comfortably made a place for himself as they sat on the cold bank of the lake.

"Is there more?" He asked carefully, and when Tabitha nodded, his eyes hardened again. His hands went back to playing with her fingers. His chiseled jaw was clenched, and the look in his eyes was hard.

Tabitha continued. "She made me swear that I'll tell my dad that I burnt my hand while cooking. I wanted to tell him, about everything she did but I was scared that I would ruin my mother's marriage if I did. So I kept quiet, and the next Monday, my mother took me to Mr Johnson and said that I wouldn't be playing for the school anymore." Her voice was clear, and devoid of emotions. Maybe she was devoid of emotions, maybe she was tired of everything.

"Did... Did you stop?"

She shook her head. "I just wanted to try and play again. Just to get it out of my system, but she came to pick me up for the first time in ages, and caught me in the music room, playing the violin." She drew her knees up to her chest. "So she dragged me home, and laid me on the bed, bare chested and beat me with the buckle of the belt." Her voice was hoarse, and thick. She was shaking, and her eyes were blurry with tears. Oliver's hands shook as they cleaned off the moisture on her face.

"It's okay, Tabitha." He said, a tear slipping out. "You don't have to say anymore. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Tabitha's fingers shook, and she kept blowing out a harsh breath, as if she would rid her body of all the pain she felt if she continued the action. "It's not your fault. So why are you sorry?" A lizard crept out of a bush beside them, and she could feel the way her heart thumped wildly from being startled, or perhaps it was the fear that gripped her chest.

Oliver stilled, and pulled Tabitha closer to him, until his fingers intertwined with her. Then he lifted her hand and kissed it softly. "I didn't know that you've been through all this, and you came out of it such a wonderful person." He chuckled slowly, and kissed the scar on her palm. "I wish I had half your strength. The strength you used to pick yourself up, after everything that you've been through."

Tabitha's lashes were lowered, and her hands trembled. There was no strength that kept her going, there was no tenacity to keep on. There was numbness, and pain. There was the unwillingness to go through anything. There was emptiness.

"You make me out to be some sort of wonderful, strong person." The tears in her eyes blurred his beautiful face. "I'm not, Ollie."

He didn't seem upset, just held her hand and placed it on her knee. The action meant more to her than he would ever know, and her heart shook. "Then I'll just have to keep saying it until you do realize that you are the strongest person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting."

***********

this book is actually ending. like really, really soon.