1.1 | daunting medleys

twenty-five | on the bad days

It was barely 7:00am when Tabitha woke up.

And on the bad days, Tabitha woke up with an ache in her fingers. Her joints hurt as she stretched. Tears sealed her eyes shut and she didn't bother trying to open them, she tried to roll over but her shoulders was stiff and hurt to move. She fought to move, despite how much her shoulders resisted but she failed. It hadn't hurt that much when she had gone to bed, but in her half sleep, she avoided turning or putting strain on it, causing it to be stiff and bruised. Peeling her eyes open, she saw that it was barely morning, the sky was dotted in splotches of orange and purple, like the sun was indecisive of where it would lend its light.

A door slammed and Tabitha closed her eyes before opening it, her gaze was fixated on the picture on her bedside table. It was one of her mother's Christmas card ideas, formal attires and stiff smiles. Then a contrast laid beside it, one of their dad, Tabitha and Talia when they were much younger. Big smiles were painted on their faces. She almost couldn't remember when she'd smiled this joyfully. It was always polite smiles, small smiles and faked grins. Tabitha had gone ice-skating with everyone except her mum, because she had a meeting she was late for. She remembered falling multiple times and laughing it off, and her dad was as graceful as a baby gazelle, just like her. Talia was naturally in her element, as she loved any form of exercise.

Tabitha stayed in bed, she didn't bother to stand up, like the energy had been sapped from her. Nothing bothered her in her room, nothing could bother her, the door was locked and the demons in her head were quiet. It scared her. She closed her eyes and went back to bed, without any thought of yesterday.

***********

It was noon when Tabitha woke up again. The sun trickled down on her sleepy face through bulbous, ethereal, white clouds. The gentleness reminded her of a tender kiss from a lover all over her beautiful face. She yawned, and stretched. Her shoulders didn't hurt as much as it did earlier that day, so she got out of bed. Her knee stung but the pain was bearable. It always was.

Tabitha hobbled to the bathroom so she could brush her teeth, and wash her face. Water dripped on the edges of her nightgown, she frowned. Silk was weird when it got wet and she hated the feel of it against her skin. Tabitha took out her laptop and tried to watch a movie, anything to prevent her mind from going to yesterday, but hunger pangs ravaged her stomach until she felt uncomfortable. She walked out of her room after changing her dress so she would grab a bite, hoping no one was downstairs.

Walking down the stairs with a stuff knee was worse than Tabitha thought. She pushed the door to the kitchen open and saw her dad, looking even more haggard than he did yesterday. Her mum pushed him with each yell, then slapped him thrice. He winced but did nothing. Tabitha's chest hurt with each slap. She tried to move, tried desperately forced her legs to move but fear gripped her to the cold marble tiles.

"Fight back!"

He said nothing, looking down on her like she didn't deserve his words, like she was undeserving. His blank expression faded when he saw Tabitha in the doorway, her eyes wide with tears and fear.

"Sweetheart..." He murmured. Her mother turned to look at Tabitha with fierce, reddened eyes. She shook her head and rushed back upstairs, her knee getting worse with every move.

The demons in her head weren't silent. They raged. This was normal. She locked the door behind her, fell on her bed and cried. Tabitha screamed. She felt heavy. Her body cried with pain. She cried with arms laid out. Black slithered across her vision. She fisted her hands, her nails pushing into her palm so she wouldn't fly off the edge, she was so disoriented. Tabitha was tired.

You ungrateful child.

She bit her tongue so hard it bled.

You should not waste your time with the violin.