1.1 | daunting medleys

twenty-seven | altercation

Tabitha was startled.

This wasn't something that anyone had ever asked Tabitha. No one knew why she was so afraid of her mother, and they never bothered to ask, but now it'd been brought up. She shut her eyes firmly to hide the pain and fear that gripped her heart.

Tabitha shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it. Please." She couldn't bare to look at her grandma, afraid of seeing disappointment in her eyes. Perhaps she thought Tabitha was too weak or wimpy, or that she handled her emotions poorly. It was the truth, and the truth was what scared Tabitha the most.

"And that's fine, but I need to know if she has ever laid a hand on you, asides yesterday." Her grandma asked, her finger making soothing circles on Tabitha's shaking hands. It was obvious that she was petrified, and she did not want to continue the conversation. The rain splattered furiously against the doors of her balcony, and it seemed to match the way her heart thumped in fright.

Tabitha hated being interrogated like this, especially about her mother but she had been asked a question and she knew she couldn't answer wrongly. She nodded, avoiding her grandma's eyes altogether. Her back had a short scar from the altercation. It ran across her spine, just where her bra was hooked. She didn't tell anyone. No one knew about it, because her mother told her not to tell, and besides, her mother was cold, not abusive, so no one would believe her.

"No!" She gasped, her hand flying to cover her mouth. "When did this happen? Does your father know? Or Talia. Does she know?"

Tabitha's head spun, but she still managed to shake her head. She didn't like talking about it, she could almost hear how the belt landed on her back, Tabitha could almost hear her screams.

"I-" Then she started crying. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I... I'm a terrible..." She couldn't seem to get the rest of the words out, Tabitha engulfed her in a hug and she broke down even more. She didn't cry, she'd run out of tears and just watched her grandmother cry with reddened eyes.

"I'm going to tell your father, but I need to tell you something. I wanted to get all of you to go for family therapy but there's no saving this family anymore. Not if I have anything to do with it. But you and your sister need to get help. I know someone that's a wonderful therapist and she can help you and your sister get rid of the pain and trauma that you both have from everything that goes on in this house."

That was more than Tabitha had ever heard her grandmother say before. The elderly lady spoke in minute amounts yet each word was strong and carried a maturity and elegance that could only be gotten with age. Now she'd broken down and rambled tearfully because Tabitha was incapable of being strong.

She wanted to object but nodded. Tabitha needed help from a professional and she knew it. She knew that it was unhealthy to suppress everything she went through, but there was no one to talk to. Talia had her own issues that she was going through, and it would have been rude and insensitive if she burdened her sister because of her weakness and feebleness. Tabitha seemed to ruin everything that she was around, and she knew. Her violin was destroyed because she wasn't strong enough to save it, and the burn on her hand was more than enough evidence of that fact.

Her grandma pulled her into a hug, that made Tabitha wonder if it was giving comfort that was meant for her or her grandmother.

"Come down for dinner by 7:15. Your parents will be home then and they want to talk to you and your sister." Tabitha nodded, then curled in on herself as her grandmother left.

***********

Dinner was tense, and awkward. The meal was individual chicken pot pies, french onion soup and a salad. Tabitha's spoon had grazed the bottom of her bowl, and yet, none of her soup had entered her mouth. She didn't eat anything, just played with her food because she didn't have the appetite to eat with her mother staring her down.

"I know that the news of your mother and I getting a divorce must be hard on both of you and I'm sorry that I'm doing this, but your mother and I didn't love each other, and it wasn't fair for either of us to be forced in a marriage where we hurt each other all the time. I truly am sorry, girls." Her father said, his eyes flittered from Tabitha to Talia. Apology was evident in the downturn of his lips, and how he didn't sit straight in his chair, he stayed, slouched at the seat meant for him. "But we are a family, and we don't have to be so quiet at the dinner table. We can just talk."

Tabitha's lips twitched in self depreciating laughter, even when they lived off the pretence of being a normal family, dinner was always quiet. No one spoke to anyone, except to yell or scream. It wasn't that they didn't have anything to say, it was that they didn't know how to say it. When no one answered, he sighed and took a large gulp of his wine.

"Well, girls. This is your last year of high school. Any idea of what college you both want to go to?" Her grandmother said, her eyes pleading for them to speak. Perhaps she wanted to save them from the awkward silence, but she didn't know that Tabitha's family dinners were always like this.

Talia perked up when college was mentioned. "Coach Grayson said that scouts from UCLA might be attending the first game of the season, and they might have interest in me."

"That's awesome, hun. Why didn't you say anything?"

She poked at her salad. "Because of everything's that's been going on, I didn't think it would be right to talk about it at the moment." Tabitha hadn't realized how dull her sister's eyes were, or how sluggish she'd been the past few days. She knew that she needed to talk to Talia soon.

"Nothing's going on, Talia. Your father and I are having some issues but we aren't getting a divorce. We are working through it together." Her mother said, her eyes swollen and her words had taken time to come out. Tabitha just kept quiet, she wanted to blend into the shadows. Tabitha desperately wanted to ignored but it seemed like the heavens were against her.

Her mother turned to Tabitha, grappling to fix the situation. "And you, Tabitha?"

She didn't even lift her head out of her bowl before her mother interjected. "Tabitha's choice is Yale." With that, she sunk her head further into her bowl, practically stiff. Tabitha spooned some of the soup into her mouth, and almost vomited.

"I believe my mother was asking Tabitha."

"And I'm her mother. So I can answer for her. I've always wanted Tabitha to go to Yale. I mean, it's a great choice for a school. Tabitha is extremely smart and she would thrive there." She snarked. Tabitha didn't say anything, but her fist that was under the table shook with fear. Talia exhaled loudly and took a sip from her soup, swallowing heavily.

His face contorted into anger. "But you aren't her. Tabitha's choice is first. It's what she wants, not what you want for her." Her grandmother gave up, just ate her food with less vigor than was possible. Tabitha knew she had to say something, but she feared the onslaught of what her mother do.

"Actually, I want to go to UCLA with Talia." Her voice was small, and soft, but they heard her very well.

"UCLA is a great choice for both of you. It's a wonderful school." Her grandmother said, her attempts to have a nice dinner were thwarted over and over again.

Her mother's anger was piqued. "What do you mean UCLA? Your father might want a divorce but I am still your mother and I can make every decision that I want for you. Are we clear?"

Tabitha nodded, her eyes never leaving her bowl.

"May I please be excused?" She'd asked, after the silence had become unbearable.

Her grandma nodded, all the fight sucked out of her. That was dinners in the Daniels house was, and there was no changing it for the better.

**********

i have nothing to say.