1.1 | daunting medleys

forty-four | take care of you

Tabitha was in the library, alone in a corner after school.

She had a test the next day on AP biology, and wasn't as prepared as she would've liked to be. She flipped through the bulky textbook, then slammed the book with more force than she knew she had. Studying would have to be now, because Talia's game started soon and Tabitha usually accompanied her for celebrations afterward.

"Dang doll. Whatever did the textbook do to you?" Axel whistled as he sat beside her.

Tabitha laughed, and pushed the textbook away. "I have a test tomorrow, and I really don't want to study." Eyes gravitated to them, and left quickly as they arrived because of the withering glare that Axel passed their way.

"Bummer. So..." He trailed off, and she knew something else was coming up. She raised an eyebrow, and his blue eyes softened. "Oliver thinks you're mad at him." She turned to look at her phone, as it had been turned off. Tabitha had seen Oliver in the halls, and her embarrassment didn't let her say hi to him. She felt scared, and apprehensive. She hadn't replied Oliver's message, and didn't know what to say when she saw him. Subconsciously, she avoided him, to save herself from the heartbreak of realizing that she didn't deserve him.

Tabitha shook her head slowly, breathing softly. "I'm not. I'm not mad at him."

"Well he thinks you are. He asked me to come talk to you, to ask what he did wrong." He said, leaning back to drum his fingers on the table. Tabitha knew she was fiddling with the sleeves of her sweater, and she definitely knew that she was fidgeting in her chair.

Turning to him, she asked urgently. "Where is he?"

"What?"

She pulled her books into her bag, and echoed. "Where is Oliver?" Tabitha wanted to tell him that she wasn't upset with him, she was upset with herself. Oliver wasn't the problem, she was.

"He's in the garden, sulking." Axel chuckled, and when Tabitha moved to stand up, he held her wrist softly, and said solemnly. "I can tell you like him, Tabitha. Hell, you are in love with him, and you keeping your distance from him because you're scared of whatever it is you're scared of, is hurting both you and him."

She froze, and tears prickled her eyes. "He's too good for me." Then she walked out, her hands shaking as she pushed the door open.

***********

Tabitha walked into the garden, her hands shaking. She instantly saw Oliver, laid on the grass with his elbow over his eyes. The spot that they always hung out was deep in the garden, in a little clearing surrounded by rose bushes, and a tree. Little scatterings of light that escaped the leaves that barred them and they laid on the beautiful boy under the tree. A sliver of skin under Oliver's shirt was visible, and she swallowed heavily when his shirt rode up a little more to reveal sculpted skin. She cleared her throat to indicate her presence, and he spoke without looking at her.

"Go away Axel."

Laughing awkwardly, she said, in order to break the ice. "It's not Axel. Also kind of offended too that you'd think it's him." He removed his hands, and sat up quickly, looking up at her with hopeful eyes. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed, and she couldn't breathe when the weight of the look in his eyes weighed on her chest.

Then Oliver's eyes hardened, and he clenched his jaw, as he glanced down. Tabitha sat beside him, and there was a considerable amount of distance between them. He hadn't said a word to her since he knew it was her, and the silence was deafening. Tabitha wasn't the one who was supposed to be upset, it was Oliver that was supposed to mad at her, and it looked like he was.

"Hi."

He looked at her, and then turned his head away. "Hey."

"I'm sorry." Tabitha had started with an apology, hoping the courage to continue with what she'd done wrong would appear, but it didn't. She kept quiet, and fiddled with the sleeves of her shirt.

Oliver sighed, and picked out the blades of grass by his legs. "It's not your fault. I blatantly broke boundaries I wasn't supposed to. I was supposed to ask if you'd be comfortable with me sending you the poems and stuff like that. I'm sorry."

"Jesus, Ollie. You didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one who doesn't know how to communicate what she's feeling. It's not that your poems made me uncomfortable, I just don't know what to say. I was afraid any comments I made would be perfunctory, and you don't deserve that." Tabitha turned to him, and when his eyes met hers, she felt her cheeks burn. "Ollie, you are one of the most important people in my life, and it means the world to me that you thought me worthy to write me a poem. You are so talented, and I'm beyond grateful." Then she looked away from him, her brown eyes drooping slightly.

Oliver chuckled, and his eyes were bright. "Thank you, Tabitha." He said slowly, and when he moved closer to kiss her cheek, she felt her heart stop. Tabitha wondered if he felt the abnormal heat on her cheeks, or heard the way her breathing quickened, and intensified.

"It's actually the highlight of my day, if I'm being honest."

Then he was the one who was blushing, and her lips parted softly. He looked beyond bashful, and delicate, and God, so beautiful. Every bone in her body loved him, and sometimes it hurt her, because she knew that all she didn't deserve him, that all they could be were friends.

"Axel put you up to this?" He asked out of the blue.

Tabitha nodded, and froze when Oliver's hand brushed her collarbone as he picked up a bug that has settled beside her necklace. "He... He said you thought I was mad at you, and you asked him to ask me why."

"Wow. I only told him that you were mad at me. I didn't tell him to come find you, wherever you were." He chuckled. "Axel's an ass."

"Yeah." Then the atmosphere turned solemn under the soft, romantic haze of the sunlight, and the delicate breeze that brought the smell of roses to their noses.

Oliver held her hand, and stroked his thumb over her scarred palm. "Tabitha, all I want is for you to talk to me. If you don't want to talk, that's fine. Just tell me how you're feeling. If you're hungry, or sad, or tired, or sleepy, or confused. Anything, you don't have to expand. Just let me be there for you." When her eyes welled up with tears, and salty heartbreak dropped on the scarred tissue on her palm, he cleaned it softly. "Let me take care of you."

She nodded mutely, his blurry silhouette so entrancing. "I'll try. I'm not... used to being..."

"I know. That's what we'll work on then. It takes a while to get rid of habits, so we'll start slowly. Deal?" He held out his hand, and when she held his hand and shook it, Tabitha could swear she heard the world cheer.

************

hi. happy December ♥️