Sister (slow updates)

Chapter Fourteen

Before making our way back to the castle, we stopped at Three Broomsticks for butterbeer. I sat between James and Remus at the circular corner table we'd sat at. "Did you get all you wanted, Jocelyn?" James asked as we sat, waiting for our drinks.

"Mhm," I hummed absentmindedly. Remus nudged me and I looked over. He gave me a questioning look and then looked pointedly towards Sirius, who was on the other side of James. I simply shrugged, trying to turn my attention back to James. I caught Sirius glancing at me before he quickly looked away. I wished I could have talked to him in the alley, told him the truth. Once again, James had interrupted. I loved James, but I just wanted a chance to talk to Sirius alone.

I tuned out most of what they were all talking about after that. I let myself go into my head, thinking about my classes, and the upcoming holidays, and Sirius. He would be at our home for Christmas again this year, after what happened with his parents. I thought about writing to Mum and seeing if Remus could come this year too. I also thought about how Remus would feel about coming. Surely he would want to spend the whole time with James and Sirius, so I thought of who else I might invite. The only other person to come to mind was Lily, and I didn't know how good of an idea that would be.

When I finally tuned back in to my surroundings, our drinks had arrived and Remus was looking at me a little worriedly. "Are you all right?" he asked softly, making sure no one else could hear.

"Fine," I murmured, picking up my warm drink and taking a sip. "Just thinking, is all."

"Did you talk to him?"

"No. James interrupted us in the alleyway before I got the chance." I paused a moment before I took a breath and looked at Remus. "I have a question."

"What's that?" he asked, tilting his head slightly to the side and furrowing his eyebrows a little.

"Would you want to come to our house for the holidays this year?" Before he could answer, I added quickly, "You don't have to. It's just Sirius always comes and Mum always tells me I can invite someone too so I'm not feeling left out but I've never had anyone to invite before and-"

"Josie, of course, I'd love to come," he smiled. "I'll send a letter to my parents later, but I doubt they'll really care that I'm gone. It'll just give them a chance to travel for the holidays this year."

"Great," I smiled. "I'll owl my mum today when we get back, just so she knows there may be an extra person joining us this year."

"What are you two whispering about?" I jumped a little and turned to find James leaning close to my shoulder.

"The holidays," I responded with a shrug. "It won't be too much longer. I assume Sirius is coming home with us again this year?" I chanced a glance at said Black, who gave me a smirk and winked.

"Of course," James shrugged. "He always does. So what were you talking about sending an owl to Mum for?"

I looked at Remus and he nodded. I turned back to James. "I've invited Remus to come spend Christmas with us, if you must know. So I don't have to spend another year dealing with the two of you on my own." Sirius and Remus laughed as a jokingly offended expression crossed James' face.

"You're going to talk to your favorite twin and his best friend that way?" James asked with a grin.

"You're my only twin, idiot," I rolled my eyes, smiling softly.

"We should probably head back to the castle soon," Peter squeaked, interrupting. I looked at him, then back at James.

"Peter's right, unfortunately," Remus sighed. We stood up and made our way towards the doors, thanking Madam Rosmerta as we left.

Sirius and James were joking around the whole way back to the castle, chasing each other and pushing and laughing. I walked alongside Remus and Peter, discussing Pride and Prejudice with Remus. He was nearly halfway finish with the book. We were very deep in conversation about Jane Austen's writing style when I walked right into someone. I stumbled back a little, coming face to face with Severus Snape and the rest of his Slytherin group. I immediately kept apologizing, not making eye contact, as my heart rate skyrocketed. I felt nauseous, my skin suddenly burning. I stepped back, trying to put space between myself and the group of Slytherins in front of me.

"Watch where you're going, Potter," Snape sneered before he smirked back at the group, who began laughing.

"Go on, Severus," Remus said calmly. "There's no need for further action. It was clearly an accident, and she's apologized."

Snape and his friends laughed before turning and heading up the path, towards the school. I sucked in air, unable to get enough to my lungs. My head was spinning. I stumbled back a little, and Remus looked back at me.

"Jocelyn?" he asked, taking a few steps towards me. "Are you okay?" He reached out his hand and I shook my head, holding up my hand to stop him. "Peter, go find James. Quickly." Peter took off down the path, in the direction my brother and Sirius had gone. "Josie, look at me. Tell me what's wrong. Deep breaths, okay? Just like this." He took slow, deep breaths, still holding an arm out but not reaching to touch me. "Why don't we sit down? Right here, we can sit and wait for James?"

I nodded and sat on the ground across from where Remus was bending down to sit. We sat a few feet apart, Remus just watching me and trying to calm me down from afar. It wasn't much longer before James and Sirius were sprinting up the path towards us.

"What happened? Is she okay? What's going on?" James questioned immediately as he came to stop next to Remus.

"We were just walking," Remus said, still sitting but looking at James, who had his attention on me. "Jocelyn and I were talking about a book, and she ran into Snape. Him and the little group of Slytherins he follows around were laughing. Then she just went into a panic attack and she won't let me go near her."

"Jo," James said, taking a small step towards me and bending down. "Jo, it's okay. Look at me. You're okay. Just take some deep breaths. I'm right here."

I hated the look in his eyes as he watched me. Worry. Fear. Anger. Sirius stood back behind Remus, who was still sitting on the ground across from me. They both looked concerned and worried. Peter was off kicking around in the grass, trying to ignore what was happening.

I knew James would want to talk. He would want me to tell him why I had a panic attack. He would want to know what they did to me. What Snape did to me. But I couldn't tell them. Any of them. I couldn't bear for anyone to know how truly damaged I was. James was worried enough. I didn't need to add to it. I didn't need to make things worse.

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Well there's another chapter for y'all! There's a chance updates may be slowing down because Im starting to run out of pre-written chapters. Hopefully it won't come to that, and I can get some stuff written and ready to go here soon, but I just wanted to give y'all a heads up of what's going on. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! What do you think the panic attack was about?