Sister (slow updates)

Chapter Fifteen

"Jo, please, just tell me what happened," James said gently as we walked back to Hogwarts. I'd refused to give him any information about my experiences with Snape and the rest of the Slytherin gang he was so desperate to impress. James knew something had happened, how could he not? I'd had a panic attack from simply being near them. But he couldn't know. I couldn't do that to my brother.

"I don't want to talk about it, okay? Just drop it."

"Jo-"

"Please just drop it, Jamie," I sighed exasperatedly. "I'm not telling you anything. I don't want to talk about it. Not with you, not with anyone. End of discussion." I walked slightly faster in an attempt to show I wasn't going to give him anything and the topic was done.

"Okay!" he called. "I won't ask about it. Don't walk away from me, Jo. Please."

I sighed and slowed down, turning to look back at him over my shoulder. Sirius was standing close to James, watching me carefully with the same mischievous glint in his eyes. Remus looked worried still. I think he was hoping to talk to me, hoping I would tell him the truth. I trusted Remus with my life, but I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk him looking at me differently. I couldn't risk anything getting back to James, even if by accident. It was just better that no one knew.

The rest of the walk was quiet. I'm not sure anyone really knew what to say. Remus walked beside me and silently handed me a chunk of chocolate. I gave a small, unconvincing smile and took it, nibbling on it every so often as we got nearer the castle. As we walked up the lawn, towards the front steps, I noticed the group of Slytherins standing nearby. I took a step closer to James as we went to walk by them. When we got close enough, they saw us and started laughing.

"Oh, come on, you know you liked it, Potter," one of them laughed. The only one not laughing was Regulus, Sirius' brother, who just stared at his feet with his arms crossed.

"Just ignore them," I muttered, grabbing James' arm before he could take a step towards the group.

"What are they talking about, Jo?"

"James, please, for once in your life, just ignore them," I begged, tightening my grip on his arm and looking up at him.

"I-"

"Please."

He sighed. "Okay. Fine. Let's just go inside for the feast."

We walked away, Sirius and James still shooting glares at the cackling Slytherins. Sirius even looked at his brother, who looked up just in time to meet my eyes and give a small, apologetic half-smile before noticing his older brother's stare. James and Sirius flanked either side of me, not letting anyone near me. I kept a hold on James' arm, worried he'd try to go after them if given the chance. Sirius placed his hand protectively on the middle of my back, guiding me through the doors.

We sat at the far end of the table, trying to blend into the crowd of red and gold. When we sat, Sirius was oddly close. Our shoulders nearly touched as we sat there, them eating while I picked around at my plate and tried to act like I was fine. When we got up to leave and started making our way up the stairs, Lily jogged up next to me and grabbed my hand, making me jump. She looked at James.

"I'm stealing your sister for a little bit. We'll be back to the common room later. Girl stuff." Without another word, I was dragged away from a shocked James, curious Sirius, and strangely relieved Remus.

"What did Remus tell you?" I asked, arms crossed, as we stood in the secret room. The fireplace was lit, giving the dark room an orange glow.

"You had an anxiety attack. Because of Severus and his friends. What did they do, Jocelyn?"

I sighed, looking away and trying to swallow the tears that decided to make another appearance. "I don't want to talk about it."

"They're worried about you," Lily stated, sitting in one of the armchairs next to the fireplace. "I can tell, even if you can't. Remus goes out of his way to ask me to make sure you're okay. He always asks me to see if you'll talk to me about what's bothering you. And the way Sirius looks at you? He's obviously in love with you, and it's killing him to not know what's wrong. And James I don't even have to start on. We all know what he gets like when it comes to you."

I looked at Lily, tears that I failed to contain rolling down my cheeks. "I can't, Lily. I can't talk about it."

"Josie," she whispered softly, pulling me into a hug. "Whatever they did, they'll just keep thinking they can get away with it unless you tell someone."

"I can't. I can't talk about it. I can't tell anyone. James can't know the truth, Lily. Sirius can't know the truth. They'll kill them, and I can't lose my brother to Azkaban for something like this."

"Okay," she murmured. "They don't have to know right now. But you should still be able to talk to someone about it. It's not healthy to hold it in."

"I can't right now. Please don't make me talk about it, Lils."

"It's okay. You don't have to talk about it right now. Just know I'm here when you're ready."

We stood there for a few moments longer, Lily holding me in a comforting hug. Eventually, though, she let go and gave me a soft smile, pushing her red hair over her shoulder. We left the room, Lily closing the door behind us, and made our way up to Gryffindor Tower. As we crawled through the portrait hole, I could already hear James in the near-empty common room.

"They're taking a long time," his worried voice echoed.

"I'm sure they are just fine, James," Remus' voice said in an attempt to comfort my twin. 

"It's getting late. They should have been back a while ago."

"She's with Evans," Sirius said. "Evans wouldn't let anything happen, you know that, Prongs."

"They're probably on their way back right now," Peter chimed in.

Lily and I stepped into the common room, the portrait closing behind us. She gave me a brief smile before making her way towards the girls' dorm stairs just as James noticed us. "Jo," he sighed in relief, crossing the room quickly and pulling me into a hug. "I was worried."

I hugged him back. "Come on, Jamie, you've never been this worried about my whereabouts before," I laughed lightly.

"That was when I didn't know I had things to be worried about," he stated, pulling away enough to look at me. "Can you please tell me what that was about earlier?" 

I looked over his shoulder at the others, who were standing over by the fire. Remus and Sirius were in a hushed conversation. Peter was just staring at us. I looked back at James, tilting my head up to meet his eyes, as he was several inches taller than me. "Jamie, I'm not ready to talk about it," I said softly. "Maybe eventually. But right now, I don't want to talk about anything that's happened to me. Can we please just have one conversation without someone bringing it up?" He looked at me, silent, for a moment before responding.

"Okay," he nodded. "I'll try to stop asking about it. I didn't realize it hurt you so much to think about. I'm sorry, Jo. I love you."

"I love you too, Jamie." I leaned back into his arms for another hug, pressing my head against his chest as he held me for a moment, taking in the moment with my twin.

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Hello! A lil bit of an emotional chapter here for ya. I'm trying to write more to have chapters ready to post, but right now I think I only have three or four more. I think I've mentioned this before, but chapter updates may have to slow down for a bit if I don't get any written soon. This semester is slowly reaching the end for me, which means I'm getting ready for finals. After, though, during break, I should be able to get chapters written. Until then, I'm just playing it by ear and trying my best to get things written and out for y'all.

Anyway, I hope all my U.S. readers have had a great holiday so far! I hope everyone has a nice weekend, and I'll (hopefully) see you next week with a new chapter!