Sister (slow updates)

Chapter Seventeen

The rest of the semester was filled with stolen glances and failed attempts to get a moment alone with Sirius. Every time we had a spare moment, every time I was about to say something, we were interrupted. It was always one thing after another. As Christmas drew nearer, things felt stranger. I had friends in Sirius and Remus, and sort of Peter. James was more observant to what was going on in my life, although he still had yet to notice how quickly I was falling for his best friend. Lily and Marlene refused to let the subject go, asking me when I was finally going to admit my feelings for the Black.

The castle was alive with Christmas spirit on the last day of term as we prepared to go home for the holidays. Lily was jabbering away about her plans with her family as she packed. I quietly packed my own things, listening to Lily with a small smile on my face. She stopped talking abruptly and turned to look at me.

"Black's going to be at your house, isn't he?" she asked suddenly.

"Yes," I said slowly. "He always comes to stay with us for Christmas."

"There's your chance then," she shrugged. "You'll both be spending the holidays together. In your house."

"Lily-"

"Josie, please, you have to tell him eventually. This is the perfect chance. It'll be far easier to get him alone. I expect a letter with updates as soon as you do."

"Fine, fine, whatever makes you happy," I sighed. "I need to finish packing, though. If I don't, James won't get off my back to have everything packed before we leave tomorrow."

That evening, as all our bags sat up in our dorms, our little group of five full from the feast, we sat by the fire in Gryffindor common room. James, Sirius, Peter, Remus, and me. Part of me felt weird, still being the fifth wheel of my brother's friend group. It was the night before we would leave for home. We sat up, talking and laughing. Well, the boys laughed. I sat quietly, watching my twin and his friends. It was getting late, and would only be a few hours before we were on the train back home for the holidays.

"Jo," James said, lightly pushing his shoulder against mine.

"Hm?"

"You were zoning out again," he laughed. "Thinking of anything important?" My eyes caught Sirius' for a brief moment before they flitted back to my brother.

"Not really," I shrugged. "The holidays, I guess."

The next morning, we were dragging ourselves out of the common room, where we had fallen asleep, and down to breakfast. I sat next to James, per usual, with Peter and Remus across from us and Sirius on James' other side. All the boys talked about was the holiday. James was excited that I had invited Remus, so they could all be together for Christmas. He even offered Peter to come for a day or two, The Marauders together for the holidays. I tried not to look disappointed that James was only preoccupied with himself and his friends. Part of me knew, deep down, that it would be the most likely outcome. I knew when I asked Remus to come that there was a good chance I would be left behind in their mischief.

I tried not to let on to how I felt though. I didn't want to ruin it for James. He was so happy, just like he'd always been. I knew he didn't mean to make me feel left out; he was my twin and he loved me. Somehow, though, I still felt abandoned. I felt just as alone as I had the last few years. I didn't want to worry James. I didn't want to make him feel guilty. I just sucked it up and put on a smile, pretending everything was okay, just as I had been. It was like nothing had changed, but everything did.

"You all right?" Remus whispered as we walked a few paces behind my brother, Sirius, and Peter after breakfast. "You're quiet this morning."

"Fine," I murmured, watching my brother and Sirius.

"You don't seem fine," he shrugged, "but I understand if you don't want to talk about it."

I sighed. "It's stupid," I said finally, pulling my gaze away from the two in front of me to look at Remus. He stayed quiet, waiting to see if I would elaborate. "James has gotten comfortable again," I continued after a moment. "He's so used to me being around that he forgets. I don't think he does it on purpose, that's just how it is. It's been like that since we were eleven years old, when we started first year and he met all of you. He gets a little too caught up in himself and being with his friends that he forgets about me for a little bit. Like I said, it's stupid. I should be used to it by now, after all these years, but the last few months have been nice. I enjoyed having my brother back for once, and having friends, but I guess it was only a matter of time." I gave a small shrug and kept walking, watching James and Sirius.

"It's not stupid, Josie," Remus said. "You have a right to feel your own feelings. If it's any consolation, I've greatly enjoyed your presence in the group this year." He paused a moment, watching his friends. "Between the two of us, I've often felt a little like an outsider with them. It's always been James and Sirius, as I'm sure you know. Peter and I have never been all too close; he tends to stick to following James and Sirius around. You actually enjoy sitting in the quiet and reading or doing homework together. I feel it's so much easier to talk to you about books I've read, and I don't have to worry you'll be bored of it. Those three are my best friends, and they always will be, but it's nice to have a little change of pace from time to time, you know?"

"Of course I can understand what you mean, Remus."

I looked at him carefully. Something about Remus always stood out to me, from the moment I saw him first year. Even now, it was difficult to put my finger on exactly what. I did know that we had things in common, though. We got along well. I would even go so far as to say Remus and I really were friends, and not just because he's friends with James. Sure, that may be the reason we started hanging out more at the start, but it was different now. We understood each other, or at least tried to. We could sit for hours, just reading or talking about the books we were reading. We could easily spend ages talking about authors we enjoyed and not get bored of each other. Remus was my friend, and I was his.

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Hey y'all! This chapter is going up on my birthday yay! Gave y'all a lil more Remus and Jocelyn, because I think their friendship is adorable and I love them both so very much. What do you think will happen next? I'm so excited to share the next couple chapters with y'all!

My schedule is rather busy, as finals week is quickly approaching and then into the Christmas season. After New Years, I will (hopefully) be a lot less busy and have more time to write! Anyway, I'll see y'all next week with another chapter! Until then, I hope everyone has a good week!