Sister (slow updates)

Chapter Eighteen

Luggage was stacked high by the doors. Students filed out to the carriages, talking excitedly with their friends about the holidays. I walked near my brother and his friends, at the back of their little group. I just smiled softly anytime James glanced toward me, trying to seem like everything was fine. I rode squished between him and Remus in the carriage. James and Sirius talked the entire ride to Hogsmeade Station. Remus and I talked about Jane Austen, as usual. On the train, James was determined to be in the best compartment. He picked it himself and practically dragged me by the arm all the way down the hall of the train.

"We're officially on break," James grinned as we stepped into an empty compartment. I nodded, giving him a soft smile. His grinned disappeared. "What's wrong, Jo?"

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head and trying to give him a convincing smile.

"Jocelynn."

"James."

"I was doing it again, wasn't I?" he asked with a sigh. "Leaving you out and not paying as much attention as I should?"

"Maybe a bit," I shrugged. "Don't worry about it, James. I didn't expect this to last forever. I expected us to eventually fall back into the same routine, on our own as usual. I'm really not upset, I promise. I guess I just got a little too used to actually having friends."

"Jo-"

"James, I'm not joking. It's fine. I like having friends, really, but I went into this knowing they're your friends first. Besides, Remus will always have my back. Even when the three of you are off plotting, we sit and talk about books or just read quietly in the library. Plus I have Lily now too. I promise, I'm fine, Jamie. I'm not so alone anymore."

James nodded, knowing there wasn't much more he could do for this conversation, and we settled into our seats for the train ride. I sat by the window with my legs curled up under me, a muggle novel Remus lent to me open in my hands. James and Sirius sat next to me, Remus and Peter on the other side, just like the train ride at the beginning of September. Remus was also reading, another muggle book he had brought from home open in his lap. I could feel someone staring at me as we sat, and I looked up to catch Sirius looking over James' shoulder at me.

I knew Lily was right, in that moment. The holidays were my best chance. If I didn't tell Sirius before we went back to school, I would never get another chance. He would never know how I felt, and I would never know if he felt the same.

There was a moment when Sirius got up and left the compartment, headed to the bathroom near the front of the train. As soon as the door was shut behind him, James turned to the rest of us. "Anyone else notice Padfoot's been acting a little strange?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Remus questioned, sending a quick glance to me.

"I mean, he's been strange. Staring off at nothing, not paying attention when you're talking to him. He hasn't even been with one girl this year. He's definitely got something on his mind."

Remus sent me a quick look before turning to James for damage control. "I'm sure he's just thinking about pranks, or the O.W.L.s. I highly doubt there's anything to worry about, James."

"I don't know, you really think there's nothing going on, Remus?"

"I didn't say that. I said there's nothing to worry about. I do think we'll know when we need to worry about him."

"I guess you're right," James shrugged.

When Sirius came back, we locked eyes for a brief moment before he looked away. The rest of the trip was normal. James, Sirius, and Peter were playing games and planning pranks for when we got back to school. Remus and I read, and talked about what we were reading, as we usually did. When the train pulled into the station, we grabbed our things and made our way onto the platform. I scanned the crowd for Mum and Dad while the boys said goodbye to Peter, who soon disappeared into the crowd after his family.

"You think you can find them when you're this short?" Sirius laughed, putting his arm on my head. I frowned, crossing my arms and glaring over at him.

"Oh yes, because I'm so helpless with the help of a big tall man!" I exclaimed dramatically, smirking over at him.

"Stop bickering, I see them," James laughed, grabbing his trunk from the ground and starting to walk away. I huffed and picked up my heavy trunk. I started dragging it toward James, but the weight had soon left my hands. Sirius had grabbed the handle from me, smirking. I rolled my eyes, but just hooked my arm through Remus' and started after James.

"There you lot are!" Dad laughed, ruffling my hair. "Thought you'd gotten yourselves lost." Mum pulled James and I both into a hug and I groaned as she squeezed the life out of me.

"Mum, need air!" I gasped out dramatically, reaching my arm toward Sirius. "Siri, help!" He just laughed and went to grab my arm, but as soon as he did I had him pulled into the hug with us, squished between James and I.

"Oh, Sirius, honey, how are you?" Mum asked as she finally let us go and started fussing over the boy in question. "You look rather peckish. Have you been eating enough? And how about your schoolwork? Have you been keeping up? You know how important it is to keep up your grades, young man."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, letting her fuss. "I've been turning in all my assignments. Can't risk another howler, can I?" He winked at her, and she just clicked her tongue, shaking her head. She finally moved away from Sirius and caught sight of Remus.

"Oh, and you must be Remus!" She gave him her typical mum-smile. "It's so lovely to have you with us for the holidays this year. I'm glad Jocelyn has made a friend."

"It's a pleasure to formally meet you, Mrs. Potter," Remus said, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips as he set his trunk down to hold out his hand. Mum immediately pulled him into a hug, and he looked at the three of us with wide eyes. I laughed and stepped over to Mum.

"Mum, you can strangle the boy later. We should get home."

"Oh, alright," she said, finally releasing him. "Let's get on, you lot." We were ushered through the station, Dad talking to James and Sirius about something, Mum jabbering on about Merlin knows what. I stopped listening two minutes in, knowing she would continue to talk regardless of whether or not someone was actually listening.