lovesong (sam kiszka x reader)

10

*tw- mentions of physical abuse*

 i slammed the door of my house and kicked off my shoes violently, scaring the shit out of my dad, who had the day off. "hey, kid-" i just stomped up the stairs, shutting the door to my room.

all i could do was sit on the floor and drown myself in a book and music. since i was little, reading was my escape from the dark world of seattle when i didn't have access to movies. to be honest, i preferred it. it was more personal, and it took more brainpower away from whatever i was worried about.

halfway through frankenstein and four david bowie albums later, there was a knock on my bedroom door, the one my dad always did. the album had just ended, so instead of getting a new record, i put on a playlist. i turned around as he poked his head inside. "everything okay, y/n? it's 9 pm and you haven't left since 5."

"yeah."

"woah. the fact that you are laying on your floor reading tells me that that's a lie." he opened the door up more and groaned as he sat on the floor with me. "what happened?"

"i went to see sam at work today and another girl was talking to him. i don't really care about that, i'm not going to be that girlfriend, but when i asked who it was, he said it was his ex and he was going to dinner with her tonight. it just didn't sit right with me how confident and happy he sounded about it. so i came home."

"y/n, i understand, but you can't be angry just because he's going to-"

"dad, she was so pretty, and the way she was walking, i know she was flirting with him. and i get it, i told him not to make this uber public, but he should have at least brought up the point that we were supposed to go out tonight. we had a date. and now he's going out with his ex."

he sat in silence for a minute, looking for a way to comfort me. i could feel the tears brimming in my eyes. "sorry, kid. i know he doesn't mean any harm. at all. he's a good kid. he'll realize what he did when he sees you."

"i'm just scared. its been barely a month, and if i lose him, i lose all the friends i have here. i met them all because of him. it's like going back to square one." a single tear rolled down my face.

"i get it. i was in the same position as you, once. believe it or not." i looked up. "when i first moved to seattle, i started dating your mother, and her and i started fighting. i wouldn't let the relationship go to waste just because of all her and i had built. and we were so happy after we just talked about. so tomorrow, talk to him about it." i nodded. "i ordered us chinese food, so i gotta go pickup. i'll bring it up here when i get back." he stood up and kissed me on the head. before leaving, he had one final word.

"relax."

the door closed behind him, and it was like a levee broke. my ugly sobs filled up the room as i sat in the middle of it, holding my legs close. the moon shone bright through the window, the stars reflecting off the glass. i let go of my legs and laid back, staring at the tapestries on my ceiling. sam nearly got decapitated by the ceiling fan when he put these up, and i just laughed at him.

now that girl might be laughing at him in the same way i did.

there was a frantic pounding on the door, my name being shouted loudly from the porch. i just closed my eyes. i didn't want to get up. if he wanted to apologize, he'd have to come up here to me.

he must have been psychic, as there was another spout of frantic knocking, this time on my window. i looked up and slowly picked myself up off the floor, wiping my face. faithfully by journey came on the playlist. i pulled open the window.

"can i come in?" he asked quietly. i just moved out of the way, sniffing. "oh, y/n, was this me?"

"hm, i don't know, maybe? maybe the fact that my boyfriend ditched me and our date plans to go have dinner with the girl he used to fuck? maybe that got to me." i took a step towards him. he stood still, an awful guilty look washing across his face.

"y/n."

"sam. what happened tonight? then i'll decide whether or not to be angry at you." i crossed my arms, more tears streaming down my face.

"her and i broke up last year right before prom. we used to fight all the time about things she'd do, i'd do, things we didn't agree about. it sometimes turned physical, where she'd hurt me, and then i'd have to go around hiding that anything happened. the final straw was when i found out she cheated on me, so i basically said fuck you for a month or so, and then i realized that being angry was getting me nowhere, so we made amends. like, friends, amends. and i've tried being nice. when i dropped her off tonight, she asked me if i wanted to go inside, and i told her that i was happy with you, and she got so angry that we started fighting again, and she tried to punch me. so i got in the car and drove and i wanted to see you. to apologize. to tell you i hope she didn't give you the wrong impression of me. to tell you that i really do love you."

"did she hit you, sam?"

a guilty look washed over his face as he took off his shirt and flannel. a circular red welt was forming on his stomach.

"oh, sammy."

tears overflowed and i ran to him. i held up my hand to his face, making him wince. he looked into my eyes, and leaned his head into my hand. "i'm sorry. if i would have known that you didn't mean it. if i'd had known she did this sort of thing."

"y/n, i'm-"

"you can stop apologizing, now. she hurt you, so she's the one who should be apologizing." a tear streamed from his eye. "don't do that, kiszka." he just sniffled and leaned into me, practically collapsing.

i dragged him over to the bed and we laid down, him in my arms this time. "thank you. i don't even know why i said yes to going to dinner with her."

"because you were trying to be kind, sam. you were being the bigger person. if you were a coward, you would have told her no. you tried to make things better, and that's why i love you, sam. you're kind, you don't let people get the best of you, and when you do, you know your limits. you love people unconditionally and don't let anger take you over and fill you. you choose love, sam." i looked down at the top of his head, running my fingers through his hair.

"can we go outside?" he asked.

"like, stargazing?"

"weren't we supposed to?"

i smiled. "yes. we were."

"so let's go on a date."

we came downstairs and sam sat in the kitchen as i found a clean blanket in the laundry room. the front door opened. "oh, hello, sam!" my dad said. i could hear the bags in his hand rustle.

"y/n, everything okay?" dad asked me as he entered the kitchen, dumping the bags on the table.

"peachy keen," i said. taking a carton of lo mein. "sam, i got food that i realized i am no longer hungry for. want it?" i asked. he nodded and dug through the bag, seizing a container of chicken and broccoli.

we fell asleep that evening, tangled on the blanket in the backyard, covered in the midnight dew.