As Long As I'm Happy

2

Needless to say, my previously flawless makeup had been ruined and it made everyone around me glad that we had done pictures before the reception.

When I sat back down at my table, I felt lighter. My mind was still in a whirlwind of confusion, but I felt like I'd finally unchained myself. It was my first breath of fresh air in eight years and it felt glorious.

I looked to my hands that rested in my lap with perfectly manicured nails, and I took a moment to really comprehend what I was feeling. The beginnings of a genuine smile had began to tug at the corners of my cheeks and I took a deep breath without pressure weighing down on my chest.

I furrowed my brows as I intensely stared at my yellow nails and I took more breaths, as if to make sure that this wasn't temporary. The more breaths I took, the easier it felt to breathe.

I looked up from my flawless manicure and observed all the guests who joyously danced the night away as if this were the biggest celebration in history. From the guests, my eyes shifted to Beomgyu, who was dancing with my best friend.

I felt a weight on my heart. It wasn't the same as how I felt in the past. I still felt the lingering longing of the past, but I also felt guilty. I felt guilty for all that I had placed on this poor poor soul. I had been kicking myself down and portraying it as if his actions were the ones that were hurting me, when in reality, it was my own actions.

Taehyun sat down next to me as I continued to stare at the happy couple with my brows knit together and my bottom lip clasped firmly between my teeth.

"You alright?" He asked, his voice wavering slightly, the shadows of his tears coming back to haunt him.

"I don't know," I told him, thinking about his question.

Was I alright? What was I feeling in this moment? Was I genuinely okay?

My teeth clamped down harder on my lip as I continued to unintentionally glare at the happy couple. It was like I was an electronic, just taking a moment to load.

"I think I can do this," he said, breathing out a steady breath. "I'll be alright, as long as-"

"Don't say it," I snapped, finally tearing my gaze from the couple that danced happily.

His eyebrows had jumped in surprise as he looked to me in complete and utter confusion.

"I'm not feeling well. I think I should go home," I stammered out, standing quickly, raising a wrist to my forehead. My feet were sore, my brain was jumbled, my eyes were puffy, and I just wanted to lay in bed.

"Do you want me to take you?" He asked, standing up and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"No. No, you don't have to. You can stay here if you want. I just," I took a moment to pause and allow my brain to slow down. "I just think I should go home right now," I confessed, looking him straight in the eye.

Taehyun took a moment to look into my eyes as well. He examined them with furrowed brows before he spoke again.

"I don't think you should be alone," he said, his hand clasping tighter on my shoulder.

"I won't do anything reckless," I told him, placing my hand on his in reassurance. "I need time to think and time to sleep."

He looked deeply into my eyes once again, trying his hardest to figure out what I was thinking. We stood like that for about a minute before he removed his hand from my shoulder and took in a deep shaky breath.

"Call me if you need to," he told me.

"Same goes for you," I replied, giving his hand one last squeeze before I turned away from him and left without a word to anyone else.

I needed time to think and comprehend my mindset. It would take time, but I knew that eventually, it would all work out.

As long as I'm happy.