As Long As I'm Happy

3

When I woke up, my brain was definitely still frazzled. When I got home the previous night, I changed my clothes and took my makeup off before finally going to sleep. I hadn't had any time to think through the tornado of emotions I'd had the night before.

There was only one thing I was sure about. I definitely didn't feel the same way for Beomgyu that I did twenty four hours before.

I don't want to say that it's impossible to get rid of feelings for someone in one day, because I believe that it was fully possible, but I didn't think that could be the case for me. Eight years of my life were dedicated towards this man, and for all of those feelings to just suddenly poof away? It didn't even feel possible.

As I thought about it more, I'd come to the conclusion that I'd given up. All my past efforts were subconscious attempts to get him to notice me and realize that I loved him. One look at him the previous night and I'd finally given up on all those attempts.

The immense amount of guilt that I had felt hand gone away in the slightest. I had unintentionally made him the object of all of my affections, like a psychopath. I yearned for him in a desperate sense that had me crying over him every opportunity I got and he never knew. I was insane.

Here I was, a moderately successful adult and I felt like I was a child. I had a Bachelors Degree in physics and I felt like I hadn't studied a thing. My life had revolved around him to the point where any other detail of my life felt so minuscule that I didn't even deem it worth being story material.

I had finally freed myself of this toxic mindset and it felt so good.

Maybe... just maybe I could be happy.