no feelings || jenzie

fifty three

johnny

lauren had helped me bring the now calm and sleeping girl back to her and lauren's room and we were now outside talking about what had just happened whilst hayden was fast asleep in the other room

"what happened" lauren said tightly hugging me as i cried on her shoulder

"i didn't hurt her i promise" i reply sniffling

"that idea didn't even come to my head, i knew that didn't happen" she said rubbing my back to comfort me

we sit down and i explain the whole story to her starting from when we met at the dock to when she came and helped me with kenzie

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"you don't have to blame yourself johnny, it wasn't your fault that that all happened"

"yes it is lauren, everything is my fault i hate myself for making her feel that way" she rests her hand on my leg and begins to speak

"johnny look at me" i follow her order and look up

"it was not your fault, none of it is"
"i know you didn't tell nadia about what happened with her dad, i know you didn't make her have a panic attack, i already know all of this john and you need to know that as well" i look back down at my feet and think about what she had said

"do you think she'll forgive me" i say

"yes i do think she'll forgive you, from what you told me you said a lot of stuff that will change her mind about everything but i just think she was a bit overwhelmed by it all"

"ok" i give lauren a small forced smile before thanking her for her help and going to bed

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later that night

i had been laying in bed for the last 4 hours unable to sleep the only thing on my mind was kenzie, i just need her to know that i didn't tell nadia about what happened, i wish i had never met nadia she ruined everything for me

i pull out my phone and begin to go through mine and kenzies old messages from when we were dating, oh how i missed those times and what i would give to go back and change the way everything turned out

i scroll and scroll for hours reading every insta dm we had ever sent to each other it made me happy but also reminded me that we will never talk to eachother like that again after everything that happened, i scroll all the way down to before we were dating well before everything actually back when we were just friends in middle school, back to when kenzies father hurt her, i read all those messages and they bring tears to my eyes i place my phone down on my chest and let the tears run down my face

"she deserves the world" i say knowing no one would hear because there all asleep

i close my eyes and am reminded to when all these problems started happening the day kenzie read the note and when nadia hacked my instagram and when..
"wait nadia hacked my instagram" i say out loud sitting up from the bed

"nadia hacked my instagram" i say again

"johnny are you sleep talking" i hear from the other bed

"holy shit, hayden i think i figured out how nadia found out about kenzies dad" i say back to the tired boy

"sick" he mummers turning back to the wall

"no hayden" i stand up and move over to his bed and pull him up to sit with me

"ughhhhhh what do you wanttt" hayden groans covering his hands with his face

"nadia must've gone through mine and kenzie dms and found out about her dad, she would've been looking for tea to spread on her little school tea account and came across that" i say back to him

he rubs his eyes and nods his head

"i'm a bit delirious at the moment but i think you actually figured it out, if you didn't tell her that would've been the only way she could've found out" hayden says

"oh my fucking god, i did it" i slightly yell the last part

"bro shut up your gonna wake everyone up" hayden says laying back down

"i'm gonna get her back, i'm gonna get kenzie back" i uncontrollably smile making my way over to my bed

i lay in my bed unable to sleep but this time it's willingly i was thinking how i was gonna tell kenzie about this without overwhelming her, that was gonna have to wait for tomorrow though

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double update lol you guys deserve it