Veronica, September 2005
The Summer had slipped away fast, taking the endless warmth with it but it was also taking something much greater from me, my Bear. Sam's cast was removed a few weeks earlier and he had started rehabilitation on his arm, to slowly build the strength back up. His doctors agreed on a date for him to return to playing, a date that had seemed so far away when Sam put it on the calendar but now it was here and I wasn't ready for him to go.
We made plans for his last day, we were going to sleep in late, have brunch downstairs at the cafe attached to our building, visit the London Dungeon because I'd never been and had heard amazing things about the museum, take in a bird's eye view of the city on the London Eye and finish the day having dinner with Bridget and Shay but like all best laid plans ours got thrown out by my phone ringing just after 4am, jolting me awake.
As I unwrapped myself from the warmth and security of Sam's arms, I had fire brewing inside of me, ready to unleash on the early morning caller for waking us up but when I saw Kate's name flashing on the screen, that fire was doused in water. Kate wouldn't call me at this time unless it was an emergency.
Kate had been back in Claremont since late July, she had left the store in the trusting hands of Elizabeth along with her design book that held all the future designs she had been working on before Alex's death. She had every intention to return to the business and London one day but for now she just needed time away, to heal.
"Hello?" I whispered into my phone, grabbing my dressing gown from the end on the bed and wrapping it around myself as I retreated into the living room so that Sam could go back to sleep.
"I peed on a stick Veronica." She whispers loudly down the line, in the background I can hear the sound of Harriet and Jackson laughing together and the faint hint of the TV playing.
"I'll get Nick to organise a plumber to fix the toilet, I'm so sorry you had to go outside." I say through my sleepy haze. The last thing Kate needs to worry about right now is that the house she's living in, my house, is falling apart around her, although we never had any issues with the plumbing before.
"Veronica, you're not understanding me, I peed on a stick and it was positive." Kate speaks very slowly and clearly to get her message through to me and this time it clicks.
"How? When?" I ask her, shocked, it's been two months since Alex died and I doubt there would have been anyone else during that time.
"At a guess, the night before the rehearsal, we'd been talking about wanting to try for another child and I'd had my UDI taken out not long before, so..." He voice trails off as if she's caught up in the memory. "I just thought I hadn't had a period because my body was still in trauma over losing Alex, I never even considered it might be because I'm pregnant but when I started feeling queasy and my boobs are so tender, I thought I'd just take the test, just to rule it out."
"When did you find out?" I ask her, wishing I could be there with her right now, like I was last time, I hated the thought of her going through this all alone.
"Just now, I took the test, saw the plus sign appear and automatically called you." She explains then gasps. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry, I didn't even check the time difference, I've woken you up."
"Kate, I don't care what time you call me, day or night, if you need me you make that call." I tell her.
"I'm scared Roni." She sobs quietly, trying to hide her emotional state from her children who will most likely have many questions about their new sibling once they find out. "I'm so scared that I won't be able to love this baby, how it deserves to be loved all because it got to be here and Alex was taken away from me."
