Sam, December 2020
when I was in high school, people who were in their forties appeared to have their lives figured out, after spending their twenties and thirties building the foundations. They all seemed so much older and wiser, they were the people we went to for advice, the ones we looked up to and now, today, I am forty and I feel like I know nothing about life.
By forty, my father was an established orthopaedic surgeon, top of his field and here I am, same age, feeling like I'm just starting to get my life together. I start a new career as a coach in just under a month, a role that I've done absolutely no training for, giving advice to kids that will expect me to have my shit together. I have my own child due in March and I have no idea how to be a father and a role model to her and by June next year I will be Veronica's husband, a title I've craved for for so long but, after the past year we've been through, I'm now terrified of letting her down.
Even Lucas, the most dysfunctional person I knew in high school, who will also be forty in January, had his whole life complete. He was married in his twenties, a father to four children who love and adore him and he had established himself as a school councillor. Lucas had become my own role model, someone I looked up to and got advice from.
I didn't want to celebrate my birthday this year, I made the excuse to Veronica that it wouldn't be safe, not with us being on high alert for another attack but really it all came down to the fact that I didn't want to admit to myself that I was getting older. Veronica appeared to accept my reasoning but all week she'd been leaving the room to make phone calls, indicating to me that she was planning something.
Today wasn't just my birthday, it was also the day we were going to begin birthing classes at the hospital. Veronica's doctor had suggested taking the classes, not only as a refresher course for us both, given that it had been 8 years since London's birth, but also as tool to trigger locked memories.
We arrived at the hospital early and were the first ones in the room, which gave us an advantage of finding the best spot. We set up in the back of the small room and waited for others to arrive but as the time crept closer to when the class was due to begin it appeared that it was only going to be Veronica and I, which I didn't mind at all, a private class would give us an opportunity to take our time and ask questions.
"Hi, I'm Megan, I'm a midwife here at the hospital and I will be running the class today." Our midwife introduces herself. She picks up a clipboard and frowns. "We're meant to have another couple joining us today."
"I'm Sam and this is my fiancé..." I begin to introduce myself then stop when I see Gareth, the arsefaced, turd eating prick, standing in the doorway next to Kristen, who is sporting a bump slightly smaller than Veronica's.
Last time we saw Gareth, he was berating Veronica for falling pregnant at such a late age and now, here he is with Kristen, who I assume is his wife, given the rings on their fingers, in the exact same position. The man is a hypocrite and I wouldn't have put it past him to knock up Kristen just so he could have an excuse to run into Veronica here.Fucking stalker.
"Veronica." Gareth acknowledges the woman sitting between my legs, his eyes locked on her like a tiger who has spotted it's prey and won't let it out of sight. Kristen looks to Gareth, her face telling the tale of a woman deeply wounded as she watches the man beside her fixate his entire attention on his ex girlfriend.
"Oh, you all know each other?" Megan asks gleefully, unable to read the room properly as Gareth and Kristen shuffling in awkwardly and take their spot next to us.
"Yes." Gareth says, giving no further information to Megan as to how we know each other. He pulls Kristen back between his legs, mimicking mine and Veronica's sitting position.
