Veronica, May 2007
Dr Baker had an entire wall lined with pictures of happy, smiling babies with a story printed out under each picture, detailing the couples struggle to get pregnant, some were months but others were years before they fell pregnant. For the longest time I'd felt like Sam and I were alone in our struggle and I'd watched friends, like Kate and now Penny, fall pregnant so easily without trying when all Sam and I did was try, every chance we got, without any succession.
The stories that I read along the wall were proving to me how we were not alone, many of them echoing our own, personal struggle and it gave me hope that we'd one day grace the wall too, sharing our story. It was inspiring but at the same time daunting to imagine that we could also be one of the couples that takes years to succeed.
"I don't make any guarantees Veronica but I'm going to do everything I can to give you and Sam the same outcome." Dr Baker says to me when she catches me mesmerised by the wall behind her.
"Thank you Dr Baker, we appreciate you even making time to see us." I tell her, shifting my focus back to the tall, older woman sitting at the desk in front of us. This was our first consult with the doctor and I was nervous, scared and excited all at the same time but her warm nature and pleasant smiles had eased my nerves a lot.
"We're going to be working together for a while so please, call me Louisa." She tells me, making this whole encounter a lot less formal. "I'm going to start by asking you some questions, just to establish what we're working with and I do warn you that these questions can be a little intrusive but please understand that I'm only asking them to get a better perspective, not to judge you both in any way."
"It's alright, Roni and I are an open book." Sam tells her, reaching over and taking my hand in his.
"Fantastic." Louisa smiles at us both and turns to face her computer. "How often are you having sex?"
I can feel my cheeks burning red as soon as the question lingers in the air. I can't talk about sex with this woman, she's old enough to be my mother. I'm suddenly struck with the image of my own mother, sitting across from me, her face filled with disapproval, ready to take my answer and twist it so that she can tell me I'm going to hell. I open my mouth to answer Louisa but the words won't come out, my own fear is taking over me.
"Usually daily, if we can but I'm away a bit with work." Sam answers for us, not being as reserved about sex as I am. Sam didn't have a parent like my mother, he had a very opened communication with his dad and there was never any judgement.
"So you'd say you're quite active then?" Louisa pushes, looking at me.
"Y-yes." I stammer, unable to look the doctor in the eye. She types away at her computer, giving me a moment to collect myself before the next question.
"When was the last time both of you were tested for STIs?" She asks, her hands poised on the keyboard, waiting for the answer.
"2005." Sam answers confidently. "We both got tested before we started having sex and both tests came back negative for STIs."
"Very good." Louisa taps away at her computer, smiling warmly. "Are you both monogamist in your relationship."
"Yes." Both Sam and I say at the same time.
"We only ask that question because there are some sexually transmitted infections which show no symptoms but can lead to infertility." Louisa explains. "Multiple partners can add to your risk of infection."
"We understand but I can assure you that it's just Roni and I in this relationship." Sam says, giving my hand a little squeeze.
"Any family history of infertility from either side?" Louisa moves on.
